With you
by Yarii
Summary: I hated Shinsengumi. My father was accidentally killed in one of their raids. Lately they moved to Nishi Honganji. I was on an errand so i thought i would take a peek of what those barbarians were like. Hiding among the crowd, i was lost in thought when i saw their Vice-commander. Unknown to me, i was left alone by the gate. Souji picked me up and brought me in
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This work may be under 'hakuouki' tag but this is referenced off a manga with my own preferences. This work is CharaXReader, if you prefer shipping, you can imagine your OC instead.

Chapter 1-What

Second Year of Genji Year, Kyoto was busy and noisy especially around Nishi Honganji Temple near where I lived. It was all due to the barbarians—Shinsengumi. It was known as a group of killers. Of course, I hated them. My Father was an ordinary merchant who sold tea leaves and he was accidentally killed because he happened to be in a tea house when Shinsengumi came for a raid. I knew clearly it was an accident, but I just couldn't forgive what Shinsengumi had done to my father. I was twelve by that time and it had been seven years.

Shinsengumi moved to Nishi Honganji Temple to everybody's dislike. People had been passing there to see just how dirty and arrogant Shinsengumi was. I was on an errand so I decided to stop by near there and took a peek among the crowds. Sudden detonation sounded and caught the crowds with surprise. Shortly after that a round of laughter was heard.

"Did you see how white their faces turned?" asked a young man with a pony tail hanging by the back of his head. He chuckled teasingly at a person in black beside him.

"That's enough I suppose. Several shoots of blank canon suffices enough. We can have peace for now on." The man smirked.

"Hijikata-san, you sure are a demon."

"shut up, souji!" shouted the man called Hijikata whose hair was tied up in sohatsu style. His hair was so black similar to a midnight sky without stars.

"Ahahaha! But I'm right!" The young man named Souji made a bee line and disappeared.

Hijikata Toshizou. He was the vice-commander of Shinsengumi. He was renowned of being called a 'demon' even to his comrades. His features were well defined—sculptured. Pointed nose, sharp jaw lines, straight lips, deep black eyes even his eyebrows were neat like one of the geisha in the pleasure house—

"—ey! Hey! It's not good to be peeping you know?" A voice wrenched me back to reality. The next thing I did was scanning around to see that no one was there except me. _Oh no! they are going to have my head cut! I need to run! …uh? My feet are not…touching the ground?_

"you sure are small. How old are you kid?"

"I'm not a kid!" I tilted my head to look at the one who grabbed me by my kimono from my back and lifted me up. _Okita…Souji…Shinsengumi's First Unit's captain. Oh no, I'm dead._ I could hear whispers behind me. I knew it must be the neighbors. I was sure they were talking about me being dead.

"Oh really? You have been staring at Hijikata-san for quite a while. Why don't you meet him on your own?" Souji lifted me up on his shoulder, carrying a sack of me to where the demon was. I struggled but his hand by my waist tickled me and it was uncomfortable. Still, I struggled. I would rather be dead than to get near and involved in Shinsengumi! _If I died, I could meet my parents again—but if I could get revenge—oh no what am I thinking?_

"Souji, stop giving me unnecessary trouble. What is this?" Hijikata frowned, looking me in dirty sort of way. It irked me a lot.

"I am not a thing! Put me down!" I yelled, still struggling. Once I finished my sentence, Souji put me down right before those eagle eyes of Hijikata to stare.

"She has been staring at you by the gate. I am sure you can put her to use." Souji smiled. I had a bad feeling upon his smile. It felt as if there was a devil behind it. I was already breaking cold sweat under the stare of the vice-commander. _Put me to use? A-as what? _ I grew panicked but there was nothing I could do. I knew Hijikata was not to be joked with. As I waited for a respond from the black-dressed Vice-commander, I remembered my parents.

"How old are you, kid?" Hijikata questioned.

"Older than your mother." I replied, staring back.

"Granny—"

"—I'm 19."

"Are you married?" Came Souji's question in playful tone.

"…not your business." I replied without glancing to Souji.

"You can be Hijikata-san's candidate—"

"—lack of sexual appeal. Bring her to my room." Hijikata interfered as he spun and walked his way. What he had said made Souji burst into a round of laughter as he led me by grabbing my arm. This Souji wouldn't stop laughing the whole way so I thought I would pray for my chance to run away. _Now!_ I shook off his arm and turned to run towards the gate. However, in an instant Souji was in front of me, smiling. In the end he lifted me up to his shoulder again, ignoring my struggles and shouts. He brought me to Hijikata's room.

OvO/

The room was clean and neat with pile of books and papers well-arranged above the desk. The window was open, welcoming the sun rays and here I was, sitting at the center of the room in front of a very hateful person who was the famous Hijikata Toshizou.

The bullying kidnapper, Okita Souji sat down, leaning by the slide door which seemed to be a preventive action, while Hijikata just sat in front of me, dealing with papers. Obviously I was oblivious of what he was doing with the papers. He was just staring intently as if he could make a hole out of the pile of papers he had in his hand.

_Is this man fond of making people wait—huh? A mosquito._ I eyed the seemingly happy mocking mosquito. Without thinking even further, I swiftly switched to crouching stance and reached both arms out to clasp the mosquito in my palms however, I wasn't aware of another's movement coming from behind me. Souji dashed forward in a flash with both hands stretched forward and he clasped his palms together in unity with my movement. What was different was the target. I was aiming for the mosquito in front of me around the papers Hijikata had in hand while Souji was after somewhere around Hijikata's head.

"…What the hell are you two doing?" Hijikata questioned with a growl. His eyebrows were twitching as he glared at both of us. He put the papers down and looked at me and souji intently.

"Mosquito" Souji and I replied together. By this moment we glanced at each other.

"Proofs." Hijikata demanded.

I showed my palms to him where the mosquito had bled and died.

"Souji." Hijikata called for his turn.

"It ran away." Souji avoided Hijikata's eyes, whistling a little.

"You are clearly lying! Do you think I can't look through that?! Stop fooling around! " Hijikata barked, slamming his palm on the tatami floor so that it made a low 'bang' sound.

"I have no intention of hiding it anyway." Souji chuckled.

"You—!"

"Bye Hijikata-san! I'll tell Kondo-san about you having a personal servant! For now, have her pour you a cup of tea!" Souji fled away, laughing.

"Souji! Hey!" Hijikata stood up, shouting. He rolled his eyes and sighed. Then he sat back down. He sighed again.

"Let me go." I said. I was certain that he would have no use for the likes like me. I was just a woman and no more. The Headquarters would be full of rude men unworthy of my service, staying here would only be a danger to me. As a mere woman, my happiness was at stake and I would never sacrifice my happiness—my marriage to Shinsengumi.

"Pour me a cup of tea." Hijikata said. He sat before his desk and started writing with his brush.

"I refuse. I am not a servant." As if I would pour this demon a cup of tea. I still had my pride as a free person; at least until my marriage.

"Don't misunderstand me. I am not talking to a servant." Hijikata stared at me in a way of looking down. "I'm talking to my dog."

_Huuuh?!_ I looked at the demonic Hijikata with my mouth agape. He was not serious about letting me work in Shinsengumi, right? He was not serious about involving a mere civilian in shinsengumi's work right?

"Yamazaki! Are you here?" Hijikata spoke, tilting his face upwards. That moment, a shadowy figure appeared from thin air. Dressed in black with half of his face covered was a spy called Yamazaki. He crouched down, bowing to Hijikata who passed him a piece of paper.

_He didn't call me a dog…right?_

"Find out about her relatives and tell them that she will be working in Shinsengumi. Ask Souji to show this woman around and teach her about her schedule. Put her to the room next to my room." Hijikata ordered.

"Yes sir." Yamazaki confirmed and disappeared.

"A cup of tea." Hijikata demanded as he looked at me, smirking.

"D…demon!" I shouted, standing up in anger. I clenched my fists together. _My life is at stake. I will never let this go according to his whim!_

"And you're a demon's dog. Know your place, woman." Hijikata proceeded, his smirk was completely gone. What he said after that seemed like a huge lie to me that I couldn't believe or rather, I didn't want to believe it. One thing for sure was this Hijikata Toshizou was a jerk.

"While you work here, be careful not to fall for me. Do you understand?"

\OvO

That day, there was a rumor about Hijikata Toshizou having a woman. With such commotion going on, I refused to step out of my room.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2-First Day In Shinsengumi

_Cook meals with arranged partner of the day, clean the rooms, clean the bathrooms, sweep the field, laundry, deliver anything that is given to the gate guards, prepare papers and ink for Hijikata, serve tea for Hijikata and massage Hijikata when asked… what's with the last three schedule? I may have been assigned as a servant but I am not his wife! Ah- talking about marriage if I haven't forgotten, don't I have an engagement? Mother arranged it for me when I was fifteen but I kept running away. Well…who would want to marry to someone they haven't met yet?_ Reading a piece of paper written with neat beautiful words, I lost to the flow of my thoughts.

"-llo?! Hello?! Are you alright? Dead?" A voice called out for me. I knew who the voice belonged to; Okita Souji. He stood in front of me, waving his hand before my eyes.

"Uh? Ah, I'm fine, just thinking about some matters." I gave a small smile as I folded the paper and kept it in my sleeve.

"Matters? Like your marriage? Impossible, impossible! Like Hijikata-san had said the other day, you lack of sexual appeal. Don't do it." Souji began poking his finger on my cheek, bursting into laughter. I swore Souji was purposely being annoying or he could guess people's minds. _There should be a time when I let he swallow his own words… but guys don't care much about marriage and stuffs girls usually bother with… damn it. _I cursed my own luck mentally.

"By the way, since you're a personal servant now, I guess it's time for me to resign from receiving letters and deliver it to the demon! Well, ask the gate guards for the letters for me, would you? See you at lunch!" There, his specialty of pushing responsibility to someone else and running before the victim had any say about it. Off he went to where he wanted to be. I sighed. _Why would Souji bother to cling so close to me ever since he brought me into Shinsengumi? He comes uninvited and he runs off as he wishes._

Anyway, I walked my way to the gate and asked for the letters from two guards who gave them to me willingly. They must have known me from yesterday's uproar. So, I decided to deliver those letters to the demon. _Off I went to the lair—I mean room._

From a pile of letters I received, I became curious of what the letters contained so I scanned around if any eyes were on me. When I saw and sensed no one, I put my naughty fingers on it and peeked into the letters one by one. To my greatest surprise and horror, they were love letters! It annoyed me more than I expected. _Why would those women fall for a jerk?! Oh—I'm wrong. Women love jerks. Wait… what is that at the bottom of the paper? P…please…visit Shimabara soon…? Oh my God. That actually-decent-looking demon vice-commander was a regular to those prostitutes?! How many letters have I just read? One…four…eight…seriously? Sixteen love letters?! Heaven must have mistaken this coincidence!_

As I pondered about the unfairness for a man like Hijikata to receive so many love letters, I wasn't aware that I had arrived to his room. When I finally snapped out of my own thoughts, the door was suddenly slid open. Hijikata came out and was startled at my presence that he almost bumped into me. Of course I was surprised. I didn't expect the door would be slid open suddenly.

"Can't you speak to show that you're here? If I had bumped into you, who knew that you might trip, fall backwards, hit one of the pillar and die?" Hijikata grimaced, entering his room again and sat facing his desk. By this time, I was almost at my limit. _What a bad mouthed man! Why on earth is he so popular?!_

I entered his room and passed the pile of love letter to him. "Delivery."

"Are you not going to talk back to me?" Hijikata asked, taking the pile of letters. "Thanks. Must be Souji's impudent work." He added.

"Why should I bother responding to nonsense? It's waste of time." I answered. _Calm down myself, calm down… just…calm down. Don't be impulsive… wise woman lets karma does its job…don't be provoked—_

_ "_Is that so? I thought fell for me already which causes you to have no say." Hijikata's lips curved into a smirk. He took a box from a cupboard and placed those pile of letters inside without checking the contents.

_Calm down. Calm down myself! This is a trial!_ I swallowed the lump in my throat forcefully and took a deep breath. "I am not cheap. I have an engagement arranged anyway. It is only a matter of time before I leave here." I replied with every virtue I had. He wouldn't be able to tackle this down.

"There was a reply from your family that the engagement is canceled though. Your partner said he didn't want any woman from Shinsengumi." Hijikata continued, making me speechless with every sentence he spoke.

"…I see. If there's nothing else, I'll take my leave now." I gave a quick bow and left the room. To have an engagement canceled by the other side was a disgrace. As a woman, I was really hurt. It was all Shinsengumi's fault. _What have I done to deserve such outcome?!_

"You are dismissed. Good work."

OuO/

Heading to the kitchen to do my next chore, I held my emotions back. Washing up ingredients to cook lunch, I became lost in my thought again. _Who gets to decide that woman unavailable for marriage is a worthless woman? Who gets to decide that woman can't live on her own? I can live just fine without a man. I can support myself. But I definitely won't stay here long._

"Hey, there!" A foreign voice called. "So you are Hijikata's woman?"

"Stop calling that or I will not cook for you lot." I threatened, aiming usuba bocho (Japanese vegetable knife. Rectangle shaped) at him.

"I'm just kidding, put the knife down! My name Is Toudou Heisuke! Captain of Eighth unit! Nice to meet you!" The boy—young man named Heisuke greeted with a grin. His hair was tied into a high ponytail. A scar was visible on his forehead.

He was pushed away abruptly by a taller man with short haircut. His skin was tanned.

"My name is Nagakura Shinpachi! Looking pretty, Vice-commander's mistress! Do take good care of our brother Hijikata!" Shinpachi smiled broadly as he leaned on the door frame.

"I said not to call me that." I threw a nakiri bocho(Japanese vegetable knife. Similar of modern knife) which was at my left hand's range at the wall near where Shinpachi leaned on. No, I didn't intent to hurt anyone. I was pretty confident with my aiming skill.

"Woah! That's dangerous!" Shinpachi yelped as he moved away from the door frame and let another man showed up.

"And my name is Harada Sanosuke! Captain of Tenth Unit, Nice to meet you!" Greeted the man who was usually called Sano. His hair was long and braided. I guessed he was around Shinpachi's height which made Heisuke the shortest among them. "Hey Shinpachi, you haven't told her which unit you belong!" He continued.

"Ah! I'm the captain of second unit! If you have any trouble, just speak up! We will surely help you out!" Shinpachi added.

"Not because of the rumor that 'I'm Hijikata-san's woman' right?" I purposely emphasized on the gossip. They should have gotten my code already seeing their apologetic faces.

"Definitely not! Nope! Definitely not! Ahahaha…" They joked.

I kept my eyes on them as I didn't really know how to respond to their introductions. They must have known me from the uproar last night. Seeing them so energetic and hyped up, maybe they were the ones who spread the rumor. Instead of staring at them, I turned my eyes to the ingredients and began chopping carrots. "Un. Nice to meet you. If you don't have nothing else to tell, I suggest you to return to your own post." I replied boringly.

"As I thought, you three are not doing the job." Souji turned up, both arms were folded in front of his chest. "The entrance is chaotic you know. Hurry and call Hijikata-san!" He pushed them away, smiling as usual.

"What is going on?" I asked. _What is happening at the entrance?_

"About that… A woman came with a naginata asking to return you." Souji said, scratching the back of his head.

_Naginata? Oh no. _I felt my adrenaline rushed through my whole body as I started running out of the kitchen. It was indeed a chaos. It was a disaster!

\OuO

"What's with the noise?!" Hijikata shouted as he approached the crowds. Several men were sprawled on the ground.

"Hijikata-san! A woman brings a naginata and asks for your servant!" A soldier reported.

"That girl?" Hijikata frowned.

"That's right!" A feminine voice shouted. "I'll have my daughter returned to me today, Shinsengumi demon vice-commander!"

_Mother!_ I rushed as fast as I could to where Hijikata was. There I saw my mother holding onto her precious naginata. _She came here for me…fearless of Shinsengumi. But if I kept her here, she would be in danger. I must let her retreat._

"Mother! Please go home! It's dangerous here!" I tried to convince her. _This is going to be difficult…_

"My daughter! Please come home with me! Your engagement can still be saved! I can speak to his family! Once you're back, surely you can get married!" Mother looked flustered and desperate. I understood that, but my pride and honor were at stake.

"No." I refused.

"Why not?! Silly daughter, there's no other happiness than to get married to a great family of samurai!" Mother attempted again, preparing a ready stance. She was serious about bringing me back. She was ready to use force if the situation forced her to.

"What's so big about a samurai family? He canceled the engagement himself and that has proven that he has no courage just because I am in Shinsengumi. There is no worth in such man!" I clenched my fists. I knew clearly that my being in Shinsengumi had shown me that my supposed future husband was not serious in our engagement, but still, I felt a bit anger aimed at the group that took me in.

"What nonsense are you saying?!" Mother was surprised to hear what I had said. Still, she was stubborn. "Return at once or else!" She ordered.

"Or else you ask my future husband who has betrayed his vow to come and apologize! If he's not capable of saying a single apology, it shows how low he actually is even in the samurai family. If I were to marry such man, then happiness would have lost its meaning!" I breathed. I approached my mother and gave her a hug then gently, I said, "Please go home, mother. I will be fine." I smiled.

Slowly, my mother embraced me and cried. She was strong but she was a cry baby as well. After she had calmed down she finally returned home. Hence the chaos was solved.

I returned to the kitchen and finished up the cooking. Bringing tray by tray to the dining room, my job that noon was finished. Well…not exactly 'finished' but I could have a rest for a while.

Just after I placed the tray of food in front of Hijikata, he stopped me, saying "after lunch, meet me in my office (room)."

I nodded and excused myself to get my lunch. _I will definitely get reprimanded for this noon's mess. What else is he planning? Mock me? Bully me? Because I was silly to refuse going home despite hating being here? _Nevertheless, I finished my lunch and went to look for Hijikata.

OuOb

"Hijikata-san, are you in there?" I knocked on the door leading to Hijikata's room.

"Ah, come in." He said.

I slid the door open and entered the room. Before placing my butt on the tatami, I shut the door. Basic manners. I could boast about it, right?

"Take a sit, it won't take long. The woman this noon who brought naginata is your mother, correct?" He questioned, looking at me intently.

"Yes." I replied, staring back intently as well.

"A woman with a weapon must have belonged to a samurai family. Are you by any chance capable of some martial arts?" Hijikata asked. He kept his stare without blinking.

"Kodachi(short sword) and tanto(knife/dagger). I haven't practiced for several years." I kept my stare without blinking as well, taking it as a challenge.

"I'll place you under training with Yamazaki starting from tomorrow. Do you understand?" Hijikata proceeded. His eyes were getting teary.

"Yes—eh? What?" I blinked my eyes. I lost the staring contest. Damn it.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3-Surprises

"Training? Why do I need that?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Nothing special. Just to keep my reputation up since you're my personal servant." Hijikata shrugged. From his sleeve he took several coppers and opened his palm towards me. I was skeptical about him handing some money over to me so I eyed him suspiciously, shifting my butt backwards little by little. Could he have planned something up his sleeves?

"Take it, it's your pay. Good work so far." Hijikata said, dropping the coppers into my palms. I didn't expect such event but I had no intention on accepting money. So, I placed those coppers on the tatami floor and bowed. I excused myself. "I am not desperate of money."

"Do you mean you're staying here on your will and not because you are hired?" Hijikata asked. His eyes were transfixed on me. I wasn't sure about that. If I returned home, mother would have sent me for marriage but it didn't mean I liked being in Shinsengumi. _At least it's better than being with a fake samurai with no courage._

"I… don't know." I replied. "I might need some money at some point."

"Tell me one thing. Are you sure about not returning home?" Hijikata continued. The end of his lip was tugging to a smirk but he seemed to be holding it back. It annoyed me. It felt as if I had lost to him in a way.

"For now, no." I sighed. "Are you chasing me away?" I asked as I frowned.

"I'd prefer you being here." Hijikata stated. Were my ears tricking me? For a moment I stopped moving. There was no way I would believe in him. He accepted me randomly because Souji brought me into the headquarters. _He…he's definitely lying._

"…what are you up to, Hijikata-san?" I folded my arms, staring at him boringly.

"What do you mean? I'm serious." Hijikata kept his eyes on me. He looked serious as he had said but still there was doubt lingering within me. Hijikata stood and approached me, pulling me by my hand and led me into his room. _This is so suspicious. If he planned to do something to me, I would punch him._ I decided so.

"Close your eyes." He said. I didn't obey. So he repeated the same thing again. I didn't heed. So he repeated as many times as it took for me to get bored and obeyed. With all doubt and hesitation, I shut my eyes. There was nothing for a moment however, soon enough I heard a whisper by my ear. It tickled. "Give me your hands."

_Alright. No punch. But if he dared lay a hand on me I'll slap him instead._ I thought as I relaxed my hard clenched fists and gave him both of my hands. I quickly felt something on my palms. I wasn't sure what it was but it was solid. Curious, I opened my eyes and saw a box. _A…gift? For me? _I tilted my head and looked at him. _Has my hard work been acknowledged?_

"Deliver that to the gate guard say that I want it delivered to Shiekan." Hijikata snickered almost laughing out at the sight of my disappointed face.

"Deliver it on your own!" I threw the box at him and stomped out of the room. Once I stepped out of his room, his laughter just turned louder to my dislike. I thought it was just me who heard two laughing voices but the longer the laughter lasted, I was sure someone else was in cahoots with Hijikata. I stepped down to the ground and peeked under the house. I found the mouse. Souji was laughing; so hard that tears began flowing down his eyes.

Being furious, I could only head to my next chore to distract myself. I went to clean the bathrooms. However, the bad luck seemed to be tailing me this whole day. I thought someone brought a woman over to the headquarters and I didn't bat an eye over the person in the bathtub. I went to clear out dirty water in pails and a mouse came in suddenly. Apparently the mouse scared the person in tub and revealed a manly voice. I turned to see what exactly had happened and saw the naked man. Silence engulfed us for a while before we screamed in perfect unison. We lost our voices soon and returned to exchanging stares. Reflexively I threw the pail I had in hand and knocked him out. I ran.

OnO/

Cowering behind bushes, I cried in anger as I broke some dry sticks on ground. _What have I done to Shinsengumi in my previous life that I am given such trial? Hijikata jerk. _I sobbed and sniffed. I picked up a pebble and threw it straight ahead me. I didn't expect that it would actually hit someone.

"Ouch! Who threw stone at me?!" roared my victim. I recognized the voice. Because I knew whose voice it belonged to, little fear crept on me. _It's Heisuke! Better run._ I crawled on four, away from where I was before. Sensing Heisuke would probably search for the criminal, I hid behind a tree and kept silent until he went away. There was almost no sound except the sound of breathing—no, not mine. It came from my side. Feeling the anxiety nibbling on my heart, I turned my head to see who it was. I was greatly startled by the presence of Souji who was smiling innocently.

"Scared you?" Souji chuckled.

"No. 'Surprised' me." I replied boringly. I sighed. "What do you want?"

"Nothing." Souji replied.

"Why are you here?" I continued. "Aren't you busy with your unit?"

"We don't have job today. I'm running away from Hijikata-san. He was mad when he found out I was hiding under his room. Thanks to you, I was busted." Souji laughed. He seemed happy but I had no idea why was he happy of being lectured. Nevertheless, seeing his smile calmed me down somehow.

"Hijikata-san is pretty harsh to you, huh?" Souji turned his gaze on me. "All those mocking and humiliation are proofs that he cares. Don't take him too serious. Despite his scary look and bad mouth, he truly is delicate within."

"He's not delicate." I denied.

"Are you sure? Hadn't he handled you gently?" Souji smirked; snickering a little.

_Come to think of it…the way he pulled my hand—what the hell am I thinking?!_ I pouted, setting both palms on my cheeks, feeling it getting warm. I stared at Souji. "He tried to bribe me to serve Shinsengumi. He called me dog. He must have threatened my family."

"Those coins were your pay. He was honest about it. About him calling you 'dog', it's nothing big. He calls people that whenever he feels like teasing. He has been teasing you! Ah about your family, he only sent a representative to speak eye-to-eye with your mother." Souji explained. "Nothing pathetic at all. Isn't he quite the man?" Souji joked.

"Souji!" A voice shouted. "If you don't come out now, I will half your pay!"

"Oh no it's Hijikata-san! Gotta run! Good luck!" Souji turned frenzy as he took his heel, crawling swiftly like a lizard to escape through bushes.

_I need to do something about my red eyes._ I thought as I wiped away droplets of tears off my face. I actually forgot to clear them away thanks to Souji's surprise attack. He could be anywhere. I should be careful with my surroundings. But I guessed, Souji wasn't bad at all. _Maybe we could be friends…_ I sniffed. _My nose must still be red…_

Bushes rustled, startled me that I instinctively looked towards the reason. _Lord, please have mercy on me…_ It was enough embarrassing that Souji found me crying like a baby. I had enough frustration throughout the day why must I deal with the main reason of my turmoil? My pupils dilated that instant I saw 'him' and my adrenaline rushed me to run. I immediately stood up and sprinted as fast as I could upon the face of a nightmare. _Of all soldiers in Shinsengumi, why must it be Hijikata-san?!_ I could feel my blood being drained off from my face. _There is no way I'll show my weakness to him! Never!_ I had enough of being looked down. That moment I had forgotten what Souji had told me.

"Wait up!" Hijikata shouted. It was obvious that he chased after me for whatever his reason may be.

Ahead was the tenth unit which had just returned from their patrol. Feeling the fire in my heart, I felt challenged upon the obstacles in my way. I determined myself to break through their formation to escape. I swiftly flipped my clogs(geta) up with my feet one by one and held them in hands. I took a deep breath and let it out at once, "If you treasure your life, move aside!" Then, I with every talent I had, I fired my clog straight over like a canon. It opened up my way immediately to my liking. However, that was only for a while. Soon enough those soldiers would group together again. I threw the other clog I had and the way was wide opened. "Move!" I shouted and ran passed them in a flash of lightning.

"Get away!" Hijikata shouted. His voice was getting closer.

"Oh! Hijikata-san, what are you—" Harada Sanosuke greeted but his sentence was cut.

"Going to teach a dog some manners!" Hijikata replied, racing up to me with all his might as well. I was pretty sure I was doomed but I had no plan of stopping whatsoever. Still, my kimono was hindering my run. I was getting slower.

As I got slower, Hijikata took a grip of my arm and yanked me backwards. He forced me to face him.

"Let go!" Yet, I reflexively regarded his action as a form of assault which led me to slap him unintentionally.

"…Hit me all you like. I didn't realize that I hurt you." Hijikata spoke.

It was all ironic to me that Hijikata was a person like this. He was totally different from the previous Hijikata. It made me wonder which exactly his true self was. It also made me wonder whether he was serious or not. I couldn't fathom how he behaved. I didn't understand him and I couldn't. I began to ponder what Souji had said. _Harsh words are just mask…he is truly delicate within…_

"Are you a masochist Hijikata-san?" Of course. _Delicate as in a 'masochist' right? Is this what Souji means?_ Staring at Hijikata with slight doubt mixed with slight compassion, I had a new impression of Hijikata.

"I'm not!" Hijikata shouted. His grip tightening and made me flinch.

"Souji said so!" I retorted, pulling my arm back.

"It's nonsense! Why do you believe in his words?!" Hijikata countered, pulling my arm again.

"He said you're delicate within! What else does he mean?! It can only be 'masochist'!" I fired back.

"As I have said, It's all his nonsense!" Hijikata attempted to retort.

"Then what does delicate mean?! He can't be talking all those things without actually experiencing it himself! Why do you call people 'dog' when we all have names?! Why are you vice-commander of Shinsengumi with such behavior?!" I unleashed my weapons. What surprised me was, there was no reply from Hijikata. I won this round. Truthfully, it was refreshing… somehow.

Hijikata released my arm and turned his back against me. He took a few steps away. "Harada! Control your unit! Or else your troop will have no dinner tonight!" he reprimanded.

"Oh no! Lovers' quarrel! Run!" Sano spoke as he ran, leading his men.

\OnO

I thought of fleeing stealthily but Hijikata turned to me and grabbed me by my wrist, motioning to follow him. As he led the way, he picked up my clogs in the process. _I can't predict him. What does he want? _I pondered. Eventually, we arrived to his room. He shut the door and spoke in whisper.

"We're going out tonight to Shimabara. Saitou recently caught several people of Chosuu. In short, we're going for a celebration—"

"Hijikata!" The door was slid open suddenly, ruining our conversation.

"Pervert!" I shouted reflexively upon the sight of a man whose body I had unintentionally seen in the bathroom.

"You're the pervert!" He shouted back. "I must demand a private talk regarding this girl" To my discomfort it was the man in the bathroom back then. I looked away, trying hard not to remember what had happened between us.

"Hijikata, may I ask who this girl is? I heard about you having a woman but I doubt it. Please tell me the truth. We must have a talk about this for our relationship to go on." The she-man—more like a soul of man trapped in the looks of a woman dressed in male clothes. _He speaks as if he's Hijikata-san's lover…_

The pretty man's coming was rude and certainly had ruined Hijikata's mood. Hijikata let out a heavy sigh and said, "He's Shinsengumi's Councilor, Itou Kashitaro. This girl is my servant as well as shinsengumi's maid. If you have any problem, please sign a petition regarding the matter. And do you mind leaving us both since you disturbed our conversation about her schedule."

_My schedule? Didn't he talk about going out to Shimabara? I don't think I should ask about this though…This Itou person looks dangerous despite being in Shinsengumi. He looks like a vixen. _I glanced to Hijikata and then to Itou. Hijikata seemed to dislike Itou yet, Itou seemed the opposite. For a while, Itou stared at me, looking me up and down as he narrowed his eyes.

"I see no problem between us now Hijikata. Excuse me for ruining your talk." Itou excused himself and disappeared with 'hmph'.

Hijikata looked at me seriously as he leaned forward. He whispered "Do not get close to Kashitaro. He's dangerous." He sat straight again. "Regarding tonight, we're going to Shimabara. We will be back before midnight. Tonight you sleep here."

"Huh?! Excuse me?!" I retorted. _Why on earth must I sleep in his room?! Although I am his servant it doesn't mean I have to sleep here right? But…he must be planning something. I can just stay awake until he's back then I'll return to my room. Right, I'll do just that._

"As I have said. You'll sleep tonight. Do not step out of this room. Do you understand? Until night you are not allowed to enter this room." Hijikata spoke as if it was a matter of life or death. Nevertheless, I nodded. "And about what Souji had said to you. Forget it." He grimanced.

"Come to think of it…Why did want you hire me?" I asked. _His frown is cute somehow…_

"Nothing special. I use what can be used. That's all." Hijikata replied swiftly.

_Not cute._

OuOb

Dinner came in a flash of time and ended fast because those soldiers ate like beggars. After dinner, I was soon called to Hijikata's room by no other than Hijikata. He let me in and without word he exited and shut the door.

I sprawled myself on the tatami floor, rolling here and there. It was boring in his room. Everything was neat and clean. There was nothing out of order. _Does it mean I can snoop around looking for secrets? Sounds fun!_ I sat by the door and slid open a small gap to see whether they had gone to the pleasure house yet. They seemed to be on stand-by at the gate. When I thought it was safe to make a move, I saw Hijikata raced back to where I was. I immediately placed myself sitting in my previous position.

Hijikata slid open the door and shut it immediately. He approached me with rush. From his hand he passed me a small knife. "In case anything happens when we're gone." He whispered and quickly went away to regroup.

I kept the knife slipped behind my sash(obi), near enough for my hand to reach straightaway. Then I proceeded to snoop around. I saw something shiny and noticed that it was the coins I had returned to Hijikata. Those coins were still there on the tatami floor; just like how I had left it. I chuckled at how stubborn he was over a few coins. _He should have kept it until I asked for it._

The next thing I noticed was the box of letters I had thrown at him when he asked me to deliver it to the guard. It was still there, flipped backward. I took it and opened the box. Untying the string which kept those envelopes together, I began reading them one by one. I found out that those letters were love letters to Shinsengumi's captains, not only Hijikata. The one who asked for a visit to Shimabara was actually a letter directed to Saitou Hajime whom I hadn't known personally. _I have only served him meals._

Reading those love letters were actually fun and time killing. The sky had turned pitch black by the time I had finished reading all the letters as well as some ponders about Shinsengumi's captains. I arranged them and tied them again, keeping them in the box and put the box upside down like before. An idea popped into my mind and I approached Hijikata's desk. I looked for a piece of paper and an envelope. I also took a grip of a brush which was wet with ink and wrote a letter of prank.

"Dear Toshi, with this letter I only hope that you will come to visit. There's something important I must tell you. You know who I am." I finished it quickly, waited for the ink to dry and slid it in the envelope. I put the letter together with others. _Hijikata-san asked me to deliver those…which means he won't read this. I guess I'll keep this prank until the next batch of love letters come._ With a quick change of mind, I slid the letter into my sleeve. To ensure Hijikata that I hadn't touched his stuffs; I returned all tools back to its places.

I heard some noises from the room beside; my room. Someone seemed to have entered it and ransacked some stuffs. From the sound of how the burglar treated several items, he seemed angry. I wondered if he would enter Hijikata's room. Despite being in Shinsengumi for two days, I knew how big of an impact Hijikata had throughout the headquarters. No one would dare to offend him. But considering how he treated people…it was possible for someone to bear hatred towards him.

Taking precaution step, I hid myself inside the cupboard. _I have to be silent._ I reminded myself as I shifted my butt to put myself on a comfortable position. That moment, I felt something solid under my butt. Curious of what it was, I reach a hand to pick it up. It was a notebook. _Hogyoku?_ I saw the named written on the cover. The name didn't matter much to me so I flipped over the cover and read what was written inside. _Spring and Winter, Plum and Snow. What is this? Such poorly written poem…being in this cupboard, this book must have belonged to Hijikata. To think he's such a poor writer. But his writing sure is neat. Hn?_

The door to Hijikata's room was slid open harshly. The burglar must have entered. My heart raced fast abruptly, hoping I wouldn't be caught.

"Where is that girl?! Brother said it is impossible for her to go to Shimabara. But she's nowhere!" A foreign voice exclaimed. I must have not met this person before.

_Brother? Whose brother? Who is his brother?_

Some items were thrown aside from the sound of it. His footsteps were getting close to the cupboard. I held my breath. _Is he an enemy of Shinsengumi?_ I wondered. I put the book down. If he opened the cupboard, I would rush out and run out of here.

His footsteps were getting far. He stopped. He walked close. He probably knelt down and ransacked Hijikata's desk, throwing aside books, ink and brushes. He crawled closer and sat, leaning on the cupboard door. I could hear a 'thud' which probably was the sound when his back hit the door. I put both palms over my mouth and breathed as shallow as possible. My heart beat faster, my body broke into cold sweat and my pupils dilated in the dark. A sudden sound echoed. It sounded like a fart.

_I'm too nervous that I fart!_ I was in total frenzy when my butt sinned against me.

"Who's there?!" The man stood up quickly and slid the door open. I had no choice but to send my index finger and middle finger forward and squeezed his nose with all my might. While he groaned in pain, I released my fingers and sprinted out of Hijikata's roonm.

As my instinct told me, I ran towards the trees and bushes. Unfortunately, before I could hide myself among the plants, I bumped into someone. It was dark so I couldn't see his face clearly. To my greatest horror, this man pushed me onto the ground forcefully, loosened my sash a bit and pulled my collar, revealing my neck and chest. He took hold of my wrists with a hand and with another hand he covered my mouth. To my very disgust he leaned down and sniffed on me by my neck. Then he placed his lips on my neck. _No…No! Let go of me! _Upon such mistreat, I raised my foot and kicked him on his dingdong. He left me no choice. Having my hands both released, I brandished the knife from my loose sash and scratched his upper arm. As soon as I could, I propped myself up to run.

_No matter how confident I am in knife-aiming, there's no way I can beat a man's physical strength. I have to run to somewhere safe!_ I wheezed. Trembling with fright, I forced myself to keep running as I kept my clothes together. Good thing was my sash wasn't that loose. Only upper part of my kimono was in disarray. Still, it was frightening. Tears began to form even if I had no such intention. They flowed down my cheeks uncontrollably. I didn't know which was I was going but I had to get out of the headquarters. I ran towards the gate and saw lights.

_They are back!_ I felt a sudden relief spread through my whole body. I almost tripped on my footing but I managed to keep on running until I reached the gate. My eyes leaked rapidly upon the sight of Hijikata. I didn't understand quite understand my feelings but I knew he was trying to protect me. Asking me to train with Yamazaki and not to step out of his room were probably his attempts. However, it was unexpected that someone would step into Hijikata's room.

_He could have just told me that someone might assault me…_

"What happened?! Why are you…" Hijikata lost his words when he saw me. He held onto my shoulders. _His hands are comforting…_ Dropping the knife with some blood on the blade, I lost control of myself and cried in front of people for once in a blue moon. I trembled, I sobbed, I sniffed and I bawled.

"Search the Headquarters! Do not let anyone suspicious get away! Our maid was harassed. if you treasure your meals, definitely capture him!" Hijikata ordered and those soldiers made a bee line to work. He removed his haori(outer shirt) and covered me with it.

"Toshi, take her to her room first." The Commander of Shinsengumi, Kondo Isami whom I had served meals as well, spoke.

"No. her room and my room are not good. I'm sorry Kondo-san, can we stop by your room first before deciding anything else?" Hijikata suggested, requesting politely.

"I understand. Come." Kondo said, and led us there.

In Kondo's room, Hijikata had someone to prepare some tea to calm me down. Once I was calm, I told them what had happened. Feeling insecure, I refused to return to my room. After a while of discussing, they let me sleep in Kondo's room. Kondo and Hijikata would sleep in Hijikata's room. Thus, Kondo had to bring his futon(bed) over.

Despite all the arrangement, I couldn't bring myself to feel secure that night. I couldn't sleep as the horror was strongly attached to my mind. Every time I remembered it, I found myself crying again.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4-Home

I didn't sleep well last night. I still could feel the cold breath on my neck. Embracing myself tightly, I sat on my bed. Whenever I thought of what had happened last night, I felt really sad but no more tears would flow and my body no longer trembled from the thought. I could feel my eyes swelled up and my body paralyzed from the horrid experience. I missed my mother. I missed my home. I missed my father. I wanted to go home.

_It is still dawn. The soldiers must be still sleeping. _I stood up and exited Kondo's room. I thought of sneaking out but I clearly had taken Shinsengumi lightly. Once I stepped out of the room I immediately saw a soldier. With the usual cheeky grin, Souji stared at me as he ate rice crackers (senbei).

_They stationed him here to guard last night? He…hasn't slept?_ I wondered. I placed myself sitting beside Souji. "How long have you been here?"

"The whole night." Souji answered, offering some rice crackers in the process. He also poured a cup of green tea for me. "Here. It'll calm you down." He said.

I took the cup and sipped the tea. _It's warm…_ I took my time to sip the delicious fragrant tea.

"Hijikata asked me to prepare it saying it will calm you. He's right!" Souji said as he chuckled. I choked on the tea when he said so. _That demon asked him to serve this to me?!_ I coughed a few times and attempted to breathe properly.

"Take it easy. It's not poisoned." Souji joked. _Exactly my thought…_

"How do you know what I'm thinking?" I eyed him suspiciously.

"Did i? That's a miracle! Maybe we are fated to bully Hijikata-san!" Souji continued with his joke. Honestly, it was calming. I smiled a little and continued to drink the tea. I pondered whether I was allowed to go home or not. People here were kind and friendly except for those who harassed me last night. The thought of it made me furious. I bit on the cracker hardly as I stared on the ground; absorbed in my anger.

"We searched throughout the headquarter last night. But we found no trace. It could be someone from outside because if he was from Shinsengumi, it would be easily found by Hijikata-san. Then he would be condemned to seppuku(suicide by cutting abdomen with a knife)." Souji spoke of it lightly as if it were nothing.

"S-seppuku? To be honest I still fear that I might happen again. But… isn't seppuku too much?" I stammered. A life was not to be played with. Even if that burglar harassed me, a punch would suffice to appease my anger and hatred. Was there a need for a seppuku?

"That's how strict Shinsengumi is. We can't have anyone staining our reputation. We're doing this by risking our own existences. Those who violate the bushido rules must be ready to accept it." Souji explained, taking another cracker and ate it happily.

"Isn't that blackmailing? Just because of me someone is going to lose his life… as angry as I am I don't like the idea of him getting seppuku." I remarked. I gulped down my own saliva, frightened at the existence of such rule. _I have looked down on Shinsengumi…I have never thought they would have such rule of seppuku. I thought they were unruly murderers._

"Blackmailing is a way to protect what is precious to us, isn't it? In our case, soldiers are warned that if they treasure their life they must not commit any violation. Such blackmail is to protect them in a sense. Hijikata-san warned us last night after the search, doesn't it mean he treasure you?" Souji smiled teasingly.

"…I don't know about that." I looked away. "He is only using me for his needs."

"That might not be the case. I am sure you know that he put you as his personal servant is to keep you away from the danger of being the only woman in this headquarters. Even if you're his personal servant, you are asked to cook for the soldiers and to help with the chores right? Aren't you serving Shinsengumi?"

My heart wavered when I heard so. My decision shook in uncertainty. I felt happy for being a contribution but at the same time I feared what I might face in the future. I didn't give any response regarding my contribution. I personally thought I wasn't that much of a help.

"By the way, Hijikata-san likes your radish cooking. Oops, I have to get going." Souji stood up and began walking away.

"Where to?" I asked. I wanted a company for a while, at least until I reached a decision whether to go home or not.

"Restroom. Do you want to come along?" Souji laughed as he ran away.

_I don't need a company!_ I convinced myself, helping myself with the rest of rice crackers. _I am not sure whether Souji is sometime-smart or is he pretending to be stupid. _I sighed.

"Uhm…Excuse me—" Someone called. I turned my head towards him and saw someone shaking violently on a bull which seemed angry. His face turned bloodless as if he was going to pass out that moment.

_Someone, help!_ My jaw dropped upon the sight. Then I noticed he had the rein in hands. "P-pull the rein!" I suggested. Thankfully the bull stopped with a 'moo'. The man on bull shivered as he got down from the horse. His foot slipped from the footing and fell face first on the ground. Startled at his magnificent fall, I approached him immediately to help him up. _If I remember correctly, he's Yamanami Keisuke the supposed vice-commander._

Yamanami had a shohatsu hairstyle just like Hijikata. His appearance was kind and warm except that he was shaking with fear now.

I propped him up and helped him to the wooden floor, slowly put him to sit. He laughed sheepishly_. _I went to lead the bull to a nearby tree and tied him there. He seemed aggressive but he wasn't disobedient. I was really curious what had happened between Yamanami and this particular bull.

"Are you alright, sir?" I asked.

"Ah, thank you. I am fine. Are you fine?" He smiled.

"No, no. Are YOU alright, Yamanami-san? You just fell." I retorted. To be honest I was really worried what if he broke his nose or not.

"You remember me? That's an honor! Ahahaha. I was just from the field, cultivating the land. We have a small field to plant vegetables as you have known. Who knew the bull was so eager to carry me on its back." Yamanami laughed but he ceased soon enough. "Uhm…truthfully, I want to apologize." He said as he bowed deep towards me who was clueless why he was apologizing. I dismissed his bow quickly, saying it was alright that I didn't mind just so that he would sit straight again. Once he sat straight again, I asked.

"Why did you apologize?" This man seemed to blame himself for what had happened to me last night. _But on what fact?_

"A-about you being harassed yesterday…I was in my quarter. If only I had stepped out I would have noticed and helped you. I am very sorry." Yamanami was going to bow again but I stopped him by bowing before he did.

"Thank you so much for your consideration! But it wasn't Yamanami-san's fault. It was my fault for not accepting training as Hijikata-san had asked. I thought he would force me to do the training regardless of my reason but he didn't say anything else. He must have overestimated me. Despite my background and my ability with knife and short sword, I am still a woman. Not to mention the fact that I have long abandoned the training." I apologized.

"I see… Well, uhm. Do you by any chance think of going home?" Yamanami hit the bull's eye. I turned silent, not denying nor confirming. Despite his clumsiness he was wise.

"Can't you find any reason to stay? Since the assailants were probably people from outside. It's possible to think that you are more exposed to danger outside than in Shinsengumi. If you still feel insecure, I can have a talk with Hijikata-san to have Souji stationed every night outside your room." What he said held some points but I couldn't let Souji stay outside every night. It was uncomfortable in many ways.

"No. I can't trouble Okita-san with my circumstances. About returning home…I'm still unsure. I'll consider it." I replied.

"I personally preferred you to stay. Our soldiers are hopeless with the chores. Ever since you came, everything was well organized. Well…mostly. Soldiers put more effort in their trainings and patrols. They look forward the delicious meals you cook." Yamanami looked desperate and it somehow encouraged me to stay.

"Thank you Yamanami-san." I said my thanks as I played with my fingers. "By the way Yamanami-san, I heard that if the assailant were a man of Shinsengumi he would be condemned to seppuku… is that true? Is there any way to not to it?" I questioned. I just had to know the truth about it. That moment Yamanami-san seemed amused for whatever reason. He told me the rules were strict but it wasn't hard to practice although there were some who took it lightly and ended up cutting their abdomens. The rules were no deserting Shinsengumi, no private money-raising, no personal battle, no taking part in other's litigation, etc.

"About the seppuku being done is a must if he was found guilty. But if he stayed silent, he might survive, that is if his bushido allows him to live shamelessly." Yamanami gazed towards the sky which was painted in black, slowing turning purple and eventually orange.

Although I wanted the assailant to be punished, if he had to give up his life I'd rather swallow down my hatred. I was cruel enough to curse but not cruel enough to have him condemned to death. I didn't even know what I was saying anymore at this point.

"You know, Shinsengumi is here because of those who care and love their country. So if one can't respect one's honor, he is unworthy to be a soldier whose job is to give his life to the country. At least I think so. W-what do you think of letting off this matter and stay?" Yamanami persuaded, scratching the back of his head nervously. He apologized for being nosy and annoying.

"No, It's alright." I smiled. I supposed he was right. It was more dangerous to go out. Perhaps I could rely more on them.

"Ah right, I forgot the main purpose for visiting. Hijikata-san asked for your audience after lunch. Oh, do you think you can work today?" Yamanami got up. I got up as well. We talked as we walked towards the field where the soldiers practiced. Excited shouts were audible. They seemed energetic.

"I suppose I can as long as I am distracted from yesterday's happening." I said.

"Good luck with that. Our soldiers will be relying on your service. See you later." Yamanami excused himself to the training field while I headed to the kitchen. Soon enough I saw him running back to where he left the bull.

OuO/

_Maybe I should put some radish for Hijikata-san as a gratitude for the snacks and tea._ I thought as I chopped a few small blocks of radish and put it in the boiling pot. I added some salt and sugar and some celery to add the fragrance. Once it was cooked I poured it in a bowl and put it on a tray. Then I prepared other dishes. _Maybe I should put some radish for Souji too for staying up late._ Hence, I did the same with Souji's meal.

_Ugh— _A flash of disgusting memory slipped into my mind, reminding me of the cold touch I felt last night and caused a sudden stir within my stomach. Something lurched within and triggered a nauseous sensation. I immediately covered my mouth with my palm, stumbling a little on my balance but I managed to keep myself walking out of the kitchen. As fast as I could I headed towards the nearest restroom. I was at the verge of vomiting when I bumped into Hijikata.

"…Hey, you look pale. Are you alright?" He asked. To think he had the time to ask. I shook my head quickly and waved my hand, asking him to move out of the way but he didn't seem to catch my signal…or so I thought. With a swoop he carried into his arms and caught me by surprise.

His touch sent electric-like sensation which tickled me very much. _If I keep this position I'm going to vomit!_ I struggled. It was easier for me to go to the restroom myself than to be carried this way by a man. Nevertheless, Hijikata held me tight and rushed to the restroom. He seemed to know my condition. To the greatest misfortune, I couldn't hold back the urge anymore. Once he put me on my feet, I lost control of myself and let the liquid pour on Hijikata.

Shaking from the impact, I felt my sight fading away. I breathed shallowly as the dizziness took over my mind. _Ah…Hijikata's hakama(traditional Japanese pants.) is dirty…_ I tilted my head and looked at him whose face wasn't as clear as before. I squinted my eyes but everything was all blurry in front of me. Losing balance, I fell on my butt with an arm to prop my body straight. Unfortunately I couldn't keep myself together long and I succumbed into the drowsiness.

_Hijikata-san must be very angry…_

\OuO

"Are you awake?" A voice called when I was trying to open my heavy eyelids. I recognized the voice well. It belonged to the Demon Hijikata. I finally opened my eyes and his blurry figure gradually cleared up. I blinked a few times before the blur disappeared.

"Hijikata-san…? I'm sorry for your hakama…" I apologized. I propped my heavy body up half-way and was helped by Hijikata. He placed a hand on my back and gave a push. I was sitting straight by then. Soon as I sat up, Hijikata placed a tray of food nearby.

_Perhaps I will stay…_ I thought.

"Don't mind about my clothes. You can always buy me a new one whenever you are healthy." Hijikata scoffed.

"Thank you, Hijikata-san." I smiled weakly. "But I have no money to buy you a new one."

"I asked you to accept the coppers but you refused. You dug your own grave, kid." Hijikata raised his eyebrows as he looked at me provocatively.

"Well, why don't you pass it to me now so once I feel better I can go for a trip in the town and buy you one." I tried not to lose myself to my boiling emotions. _Is he joking or is he not? I really can't tell._

"Hmph." He shrugged. He stood and was about to exit when a loud voice shouted. It seemed to come from the entrance of Shinsengumi. A man was asking for Hijikata's presence; he sounded very nervous though. Within his speech he spoke of taking me back but I had no memory of his voice. Nope. I didn't recognize the voice.

Hijikata glanced at me and I shook my head. Then, Hijikata proceeded outside. Curious, I followed as well despite my wobbly walk. Relying on the wall to keep my balance until the entrance was in sight, I kept walking forward.

I saw a young man around my age with shohatsu hairstyle except that his front till middle head was bald. His round eyes showed determination yet an anxiety was plastered over his face.

"My name is Amatsuki Tenryuu! I belong to Tosa Clan and I am here to take my fiancé back! Demon Vice-commander Hijikata Toshizou, show yourself!" He exclaimed. Now I knew he was my fiancé who had canceled the engagement yet he still had the courage to step up. Such thick skin he had. I turned my eyes on Hijikata who stomped his way down the stage to the ground and with folded arms he approached Tenryuu. I couldn't see what face Hijikata was making but from the way he walked to Tenryuu, he seemed challenged or rather… angry.

"Some guts you have to come into Shinsengumi. Knowing you belong to Tosa Clan which is one of our enemies you dare to come alone. Based on what reason do you come?" Hijikata asked. From my point of view, Hijikata seemed to be drilling virtual spears into Tenryuu. I walked closer to have a better view. Unknown to me that there was stairs leading to the ground, I tripped and fell magnificently; probably.

"That! I come to take her back!" Tenryuu pointed at me who was trying to keep my lousy fall a secret. I quickly got on my feet.

"Oh, what business do you have with our servant?" Hijikata asked without batting an eye on me.

"She's my fiancé as I have said!" Tenryuu took a step forward with his fist clenched.

"So?" Hijikata didn't budge a bit.

"I'm here to take her back! Do you not understand human language?" Tenryuu provoked but he didn't seem to succeed.

"Pardon me, I there was a fly flying around so I didn't hear you clearly. Do you mind repeating?" Hijikata frowned.

The definitely annoyed Tenryuu swallowed the lump in his throat and held his anger in. He exhaled and inhaled. He spoke aloud, "My name is Amatsuki Tenryuu! I belong to Tosa Clan and I am here to take my fiancé back! Demon Vice-commander Hijikata Toshizou, show yourself!" He repeated what he had shouted before. Unfortunately, he failed to make an impression on the demon.

"Are you blind? Aren't I in front of you?" The Demon mocked.

_Oh my… That man called Tenryuu is blushing. His ears are red._ I thought as I sat on the stair, watching the comedy. _Tenryuu is ten years too early to defeat Hijikata. _I chuckled.

"What was your name again?" Hijikata questioned mockingly. "Amai sukiyaki(hot pot dish)?" He added.

"Amatsuki Tenryuu!" Tenryuu looked as if he was going to lose his mind over his battle with Hijikata. His fists were clenched tight his knuckles were turning white. He drew his sword and charged at Hijikata impulsively. Surprised with his sudden move, I shut my eyes; afraid of the result. However what was heard after that one swing was nothing but a 'thud'. I opened my eyes and saw that Tenryuu was sprawled on the ground, groaning in pain.

Hijikata hadn't drawn his sword nor had he changed his pose.

"Don't be too focused on your front that you don't see your feet. I only stuck a foot out and hit you on your neck with a chop. I appreciate your guts. Take her away." Hijikata spoke as approached me. "Get your things and go." What he said was beyond my belief. I thought he knew that I didn't want to get married since I made the speech in front of my mother. I thought he wanted to use me. I thought I was a use in Shinsengumi despite the fact that I didn't know much about it. I thought I would stay. I thought I would work here. _Why does it hurt so much? Why does home feel distant now?_

"Why…why? We haven't talked about this!" I objected, standing up. I grimaced at Hijikata, both fists clenched tight within my sleeves. Anger felt as if it was going to explode. "Yamanami-san said it is more dangerous outside than inside! Since none of the soldiers owns up, the one who assaulted me could be someone from outside!"

"How would you know the pervert is an outsider?" hijikata retaliated. I couldn't say anything back. I was at loss. Nothing came to my mind due to my bottled-up furiosity.

"When you passed out, Kondo-san and I have decided that we will return you." with that he left.

A great disappointment hit my hard across my face. I stood there for a while before I stomped away bare-feet. Anger had taken control of me. I didn't blame Tenryuu for what he had done, coming and all his fabulous speech. I was irritated at the fact that Hijikata didn't talk about it with me. I hated the fact that I had decided to stay for nothing.

"W-wait!" Tenryuu shouted. He must be chasing after me from behind.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I had lost my mood at that point due to my overwhelming anger. I hated it when people decided things for me without telling me. To add the impact, it was Hijikata who had passed my limit. I thought it was very obvious that I didn't want to marry all thanks to his unnecessary prying. If only I hadn't known that Tenryuu attempted to cancel the engagement, I wouldn't have decided to stay in Shinsengumi and I wouldn't have felt so complicated.

I stomped my way to where my house was with Tenryuu chasing from behind. I had no intention to pay any attention to him who played a part in my leave but situation couldn't have been worse. I could hear his faint groan about how fast my feet were.

"W-wait!" he spoke in between gasps for air. I glanced at him a bit and saw that he had begun to run. Seeing how hard-working he was made me annoyed somehow.

_If only someone were so hard-working in stopping me from leaving shinsengumi…_ It was as if my existence didn't help anything. I had finally earned my acknowledgement through my conversation with Yamanami but Hijikata just had to ruin everything. _Why did he even bother to put me as his personal servant at the first place? If he had no use for me he could just refuse Souji's whimsical request from the beginning. I don't understand him! I can't understand him! What the hell is he thinking?!_ The fact that Hijikata was an unfathomable figure irritated me. His obnoxious behavior was even more hateful.

With such bad mood, i had no intention to speak or deal with people at the moment. I spun and stopped my track. Soon, Tenryuu caught up to me, panting heavily from the run in the crowds.

"Please, stop following me." I stared at him intently.

"B-but your feet…" He replied meekly. His cheeks were apple red.

"I don't care." I sighed. I had had enough. I just wanted to go home soon and had my anger vent on some papers or a cold bath. When I spun to walk my way again, I felt a pair of arms lifted me up in one swift movement. Tenryuu carried me.

"Let me down!" I struggled immediately. I felt my cheeks turned warm.

"I can't let you down!" He whispered; flustered. His eyes were fixed on the way, not even a glance was spared on me. _What does he want?! _It was extremely embarrassing. I felt something was about to burst out of my chest. Therefore, I kept attempt to free myself.

"Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-your rear is red…I-I think your h-h-h-horse…" Tenryuu whispered as his face grew redder and redder. His feet were getting faster with each stutter he did. With his information, I was even more embarrassed. There was nothing more embarrassing than having a man to tell you about your red day. It was very vexing knowing that it always came at the possible worst timing.

I clenched my fists and stared at them to endure the shame as i couldn't bring myself to look at him. I was both angry and shy. I could feel eyes on me. It was not normal to have such treatment in public. Although we were engaged it was still not common. No matter how I disliked this upturn, I had to swallow any comments I had. It was more shameful to walk in the public with red butt. I supposed I could thank him for his consideration. _Maybe some other time…_ I thought.

There were some cheers coming from the crowds. It was troublesome. _If there were a rumor going around, I wouldn't be able to leave house for at least a few weeks! _I began to think how to deal with the current problem efficient and effectively. An idea popped into my mind and I thought it was the correct method. _It's either a success or a failure. This is my only choice I can think of._

"Name…" I said.

"U-uh? Huh?" Tenryuu whose concentration was disrupted, reflexively looked at me. Our eyes met for an instance. He quickly turned his gaze back to the road. "W-w-what?" He stuttered, blushing madly.

"Your name." I said.

"Eh? A-amatsuki Tenryuu."

"Amatsuki-san, are you afraid of lizard?" I asked, not looking at him.

"Why?"

"A-answer me." I demanded.

"I…hate them a lot." Tenryuu gulped. It felt as if God was playing with my life. There were loathsome events and there were great coincidences. I had never thought I would have the Goddess of Luck by my side now.

"T-there's one behind your sash(obi)." I said as I trembled; pretending of course.

"H-huh?!" Tenryuu went frenzy that moment. His face turned as white as sheet. Nevertheless, he ran with his full strength. His fast legs I gratified. Thus, we reached my house in a flash of time. Fortunately, my mother was splashing a pail of dirty water with a bailer.

"Mothe—" I began but was interrupted by Tenryuu who was very frightened about the lizard.

"—I am very sorry, Akio-san! B-but could you get the lizard on my sash(obi)? P-please hurry up!" Tenryuu looked as if he was going to faint that moment. Still, he held me tightly despite his shaking legs.

_Akio-san? Why is he calling mother with her first name? Why is he not calling her with her family name? _I believed I should introduce my mother a bit. Akio Masaharu. Akio, written with kanji word 'bright' and kanji word 'hero'. Masaharu, written in kanji word 'become' and kanji word 'spring'. Her age was thirty five although she looked as if she was in her twenties. She was a daughter of a samurai family from the Matsudaira clan.

"Lizard? There's no lizard, Ten-san." Mother took a trip behind him and saw that there was no lizard. I peeked from Tenryuu's shoulder and winked an eye at my mother, hoping she would get the sign. I was glad to know that my mother understood my sign as I received a wink back from her.

"R-really?!" Tenryuu smiled brightly. He spun and bowed at my mother.

"It must have fallen when you ran." I said. "Now put me down." I added.

"N-no! Ma'am! Hurry and take out a bed(futon)! Hurry!" He demanded as he stepped into the house. After he calmed down about the lizard, he returned to his flustered state about me.

"W-wait! What are you doing?!" I yelped upon his sudden movement. I disagreed with his judgment but mother seemed happy somehow. She seemed to be giggling by herself behind us. I stared at her boringly.

In the end, mother laid out the bed(futon) and asked Tenryuu to put me down there. After that, he excused himself quickly without a look at me, saying he would visit in a few days to my discomfort. He was very bashful.

"Isn't he thoughtful?" Mother chuckled teasingly to which I rolled my eyes boringly as I sighed.

"Well? Why don't you tell me what happened in Shinsengumi?" Mother looked at me with glittery demanding sort of puppy eyes. I assumed she had forgotten the priority.

"Mother, I need a change. My horse is here…" I said nonchalantly.

"Ah I'm sorry! I'll be back soon!" Mother rose from her seat and dashed out of my room. She came back shortly with new change of kimono and undergarment for me. As she helped me get changed, I told her what had happened in Shinsengumi; about how Yamanami acknowledged my efforts, about how Tenryuu came to look for trouble, about how Hijikata chased me away which were basically everything that had happened today.

"Oh! It worked better than I have expected!" Mother giggled.

"What? Don't tell me… you really asked Amatsuki-san to fetch me there?" I grimaced. There should be a limit of how much she wanted me to get married. I took a deep breath. "Mother…whatever you're trying to do, stop it."

"Why not? I'm trying to make you happy." Mother pouted.

"You're not making me happy." I replied bluntly.

"But…but…"

"Mother, what I want now is an acknowledgement, not marriage!" I sighed as i lay down on the bed. I pulled the blanket over my head. I was tired.

"You're nineteen! You're supposed to get married at the age of sixteen! You have to get married soon! I don't care what you think, just…. Try to get along with Ten-san!" Mother exclaimed as she left the room.

I shut my eyes, trying to calm myself. _That jerk!_ I threw the blanket off my face and sighed. Since there was nothing else I could do with such mood except sleep, I decided that I would doze off. Fortunately, I did otherwise I wouldn't have a peace of mind for the whole day.

OnO/

There were times when I wondered why I was so angry at Hijikata but I thought it was obvious. However there was something off somehow. About that, I hadn't known the answer yet.

Waking up in the evening, I must have slept for hours. Shameful to say, it was my bad habit. _It feels good to have a good sleep…_ I propped myself up and yawned. I rose and tidied up my bed. Then, I went to have a warm bath. Feeling the peace after waking up from a good nap, I had no purpose to bath long so I finished up pretty fast.

"Dinner's ready!" Mother shouted.

_Come to think about it, I feel hungry._ I dressed myself quickly and headed to the dining room. It was surprise when I stepped into the room. I saw familiar faces which I hadn't seen for several days. Friends of same dojo where I practiced my martial arts sat there with my mother.

"Oyuri-chan! Osato-chan! Omiyuki-chan!" I called as I sat across them. "Where have you been?!" I smiled instantly at the sight of their faces.

"That should be our line!" Yuri spoke as we embraced each other. "Where have you been?" she repeated what I had asked.

"Is it true that you were taken to Shinsengumi? Are they scary?" Sato questioned. A concern was written over her face. I knew she was worried but someone had to clear up the misunderstanding about Shinsengumi.

"They are kind. They are not barbarians like what people say." I smiled as I remembered how warm they were upon my arrival; especially the three idiots, Nagakura Shinpachi, Todo Heisuke and Sanosuke Harada.

"…A-are you alright? You haven't been harassed right?" Miyuki questioned timidly.

"…someone attacked me two days ago. It was dark so I couldn't see who it was." I began. With this, I was certain there was no way mother would let me return to Shinsengumi. Since I came home, I also didn't think I would return there.

"S-so…are you still…a virgin?" Miyuki asked with a look of fear and concern.

"Of course I am. I managed to hurt him by kicking his manhood and scratched him with a knife." I answered. There was this surging pride when I answered. Thinking back, I was in luck to be able to counter. _Come to think of it…haven't I taken my revenge by kicking his…precious? Then I supposed everything's alright._

"Tell us from the day you were brought in!" Sato demanded. I was hesitant at first, but slowly I began to tell. I told them from the day I met Hijikata and Souji until the events which had occurred today. Caught in emotions, I told them how vexed I was to the vice-commander.

"I think it's better for you to get married." Yuri suggested. "By the way, I'm getting married next week. Do you think you can attend? I'm sure your horse would end by then." Yuri smiled brightly. There was this weird beauty I saw in her. _Does marriage make a girl beautiful? It's not logic enough to convince me though._

"I guess so." I replied. "Congratulations! Who's the lucky man?" I shook held her hands.

"A samurai from Chosu clan. He is a great man." Yuri blushed, covering her face with her sleeves.

"He saved Oyuri-chan from a thief with a knife! Swiftly, he knocked the thief down and held Oyuri-chan in his arms. Isn't it wonderful?! That moment, their eyes met and they fell in love!" Sato spoke dramatically.

"I see, that's great!" I cheered.

"Isn't your fiancé a great man as well?" Miyuki asked. "He bought the ingredients for our dinner tonight!"

"Yes! He even treated us to some hairpins!" Sato reached into her sleeve and took out an expensive looking hairpin; Miyuki and Yuri as well.

"When did he meet you? When did he buy you these things?" I asked. Tenryuu was either desperate or he was trying to show off. Of course, there was no way a man could be determined good or bad through the shining chips in his sleeves. I was not a woman who could be easily bribed nor tempted. Personally, I was more interested with something non-material. Materialistic wasn't bad but it didn't suit my preference.

"Actually… we saw Amatsuki-san carrying you. So we followed from behind. When you two and aunt went into the house, we were wondering what was happening. Then he came out in a moment. Then, we approached him and asked him about you. He was red to his ears! My, what did you do to him?" Sato explained.

"After that he asked about us. Knowing that we are your friends, he told us what had happened in Shinsengumi. I heard he managed to deal with the Demon Vice-commander! Your fiancé could be the best man among us!" Miyuki continued.

_Show off. _I sighed mentally.

"After the story-telling, he took us to some shops and bought us things including our dinner." Yuri added.

"Why don't we talk as we eat? Come on, have your meal." Mother spoke as she motioned them to their bowls of rice. She startled me a little. I thought she had gone off somewhere. I didn't notice she was sitting right behind me. I glanced at mother who smiled in return.

So, as what mother had said, we began our dinner. Although I didn't like Tenryuu's attitude with others, I must praise him for the scrumptious food. While we ate, we continued to talk.

"Mother, I am thinking of returning to practice. Is it alright?" I recalled how powerless I was when I was assaulted. It infuriated me. Even though I was born a woman, I came from a family of samurai. I believed every girl had the very rights to protect themselves. Some people thought it was inappropriate for a woman to learn martial arts, but I believed—preferred otherwise.

Mother seemed to be thinking for a while, seeing from how she stayed still except for her chewing mouth.

"Why not? People there missed you a lot! You must have rusted with your knife!" Sato teased as she giggled along with others. I pouted and eyed them accusingly.

"I can still aim vegetable knives perfectly." I replied.

"Off you go after your horse ends." Mother said, smiling. I was skeptical about her decision. She looked as if she was planning something. Somehow it felt as if she wanted me to protect myself but she was also pushing me to Tenryuu. It was just my feelings, of course. She seemed to be enjoying all this.

"Thank you." I said plainly.

\OnO

After the dinner, my friends told me about how the dojo had been doing since the day I stopped the will to join the class. There were happy moments and upsetting moments which weren't much importance to me. Even though we had talked about Yuri's marriage, they kept babbling it continually. I admitted that it was boring, but watching how happy Yuri was made me glad as well.

Eventually, they went home.

_Marriage…huh? I have no one I particularly like though…_ I walked towards my room as I began to ponder what was so great about marriage. _There is this say… 'marriage is a girl's grave' is it true or not? In any possible way, I have no intention to marry anyone. I don't hate Amatsuki-san but… I don't look at him 'that' way._ Feeling eyes on me, I spun and saw my mother peeking behind the slide door of dining room.

_…__She has to stop interfering._ I quickened my pace and entered my room.

I sighed. Today was exhausting and I had to prepare myself to be patient with my mother for a week. I still cursed the arrival of my horse at such disadvantageous moment

Apparently, I was correct. I had to endure and ignore my mother for a week before I would roam outside freely. When morning came, I was awakened by a chant; a chant spoken by my mother to get me married off. I really wondered whether I had sinned against her in my past life. She was so noisy early in the morning that I couldn't return to sleep. I threw my blanket away, sat up, and narrowed my eyes to stare at my disturbing mother. I was out of idea what I should do to make her stop so I fixed my eyes on her. What did she do in response? She smiled. What did she chant? The same word over and over; marriage.

"My dearest mother, could you please stop that?"

"No."

Then she started to chant again for the next six days.

OnOb

"What a nice day!" I yawned as I opened the sliding door to the beautiful nature. The sun was shining brightly, the birds were chirping and the tree branches were waving gracefully due to the breeze. Everything was perfect except for one matter. My mother wouldn't stop sobbing. Apparently she was upset because my horse had ended and I was finally going to step out of the house to my friend's wedding.

I got up early to prepare my kimono and my makeup. Only in such occasion did I pamper myself like a girl. I thought there was no need to dress up prettily in daily routine. Being pretty just made you a target of harassment and men's fantasy pleasure.

"But you look gorgeous if you wear it every day!" My mother sobbed. She seemed not pleased with the fact that I rarely put beauty products over my face as well.

"I'm going." I excused myself as I wore my clogs. To not make a misunderstanding, I was not being cruel to my mother without purpose. What made me behaved so, was because it was all an act despite my mother had never been on any stage but her romance stage. With her skill in manipulating her tear ducts, she begged my father to step out of Tosa clan's business to marry her. _Talk about the evil._

"Have fun!" My mother cheered. See? She returned to her real self in a blink of an eye.

My friend's wedding was held not too far from my house, so I only had to walk a few steps to reach it. It was held beside my house for my mother's amusement. I sighed. _My mother could flip the shogunate easily if she had wanted. Good fortune she had fallen in love with my plain father that she had no interest in such matter._

Right, the wedding was important to my friend, but since I had no interest in marriage everything was just plain boring to me. I was honestly happy about my friend getting married though. Yuri said the man from Chosu was a great man I supposed it was true. Seeing how his front teeth protruded under his upper lip… I was somehow convinced that he was a man of personality not of looks.

During the ceremony, I saw many familiar faces in which one of them was the dojo master from whom I learned dagger and short sword. Rumor had it that she used to be a shinobi. I could care less about that as I knew that she was a woman of character. Her name was Ueno Tsubaki.

"Oh! It's been a while since I last saw you! How have you been in the Shinsengumi? Met any candidate who deserves a beating?" She laughed.

"Well… some." I replied.

"So, when is it?" Ueno asked.

"When is what?"

"Your marriage." She answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I was seriously getting bored of the marriage matter. I thought there was no significance to respond so I only stared at her. I didn't think there was anything to talk with her since she acted pretty much like my mother(they were friends).

"If you have nothing better to say, I'd like to excuse myself." I said as I took a step.

"Ah! W-wait! S-so…when are you coming back to the dojo?" Ueno changed the conversation. Now that I saw her true intention, I returned to my previous position.

"Tomorrow, perhaps." I shrugged.

"I see. I'll look forward your arrival. Well? How is Akio?" Ueno continued to ask things. She was quite the babbling person but I wondered why hadn't she asked about my trip to Shinsengumi? Then Miyuki and Sato came into my sight, far across me and Ueno. I understood by then. They must had told Ueno everything they had heard from me.

"She is annoying—" I began.

"—as usual." Ueno interrupted. Then, we chuckled.

OvO/

Returning from the wedding, I saw Tenryuu by the door to my house. He looked flustered and fidgety. He paced back and forth. I was sure he was wondering if he should enter or not. I approached him and bowed.

"Why are you not entering?" I asked.

"Ah…uhm…I'm just wondering if it's alright for you to step out." He glanced at me and looked away. He scratched the back of his head, bowing a bit.

"Sure. Why not?" I took a few steps away.

"B-because if your rear became red again—" I pinched his cheek, stopping him from speaking any further. It irked me that he was even stupider than Souji and the Three Idiots—_why am I thinking about them?_

"Hurry up." I said as I walked ahead then I remembered I had to say something so I spun. "If you spoke a word about the matter before again, I'll throw my clogs at you. Do you understand?" I threatened, raising an eyebrow as I looked at him with this sort of pride.

"Y-yes!" Tenryuu grinned and bowed. "Don't you think you're acting like the demon vice commander of Shinsengumi?" There he went again. I spun for the second time and fired my fist at him which he blocked with his palm. He then took my fist in his hands.

"A lady isn't supposed to be violent." He said, looking at me with eyes of a puppy.

_Lady, my foot!_ I kicked his shin and walked away. His groans were loud and clear behind me but I refused to grant him any mercy. _How dare he mention Shinsengumi and that jerk?!_ I was once again on fire. Yet, I couldn't stop myself from wondering how were those people doing?

With my mood ruined, I had no further intention to take a walk around the town. I quickened my pace back home and slid the door shut slightly harder than usual.

"Did you see Ten-san?" Mother appeared somehow—no, she had been peeking from behind the door all the time. She smiled.

"Chased him away." I said as I took off my clogs and walked through the hallway towards my room.

"But…but he has been missing you! He has been coming everyday ever since that day he brought you back with your red butt!" Mother protested, pouting as she followed me from behind.

"I don't miss him." I responded bluntly.

"Won't you be nice with him?" Mother begged. "Repay his kindness to us?"

"…welcome him in." I sighed, giving up. Only for this once would I heed my mother regarding my engagement and marriage.

Mother skipped towards the door and invited Tenryuu who staggered in his walk into the house. He was then led to my room where we would be speaking face-to-face.

Even though it was supposed to be a face-to-face talk just the two of us, Tenryuu only stole some glances. His cheeks were red for God-knew-why.

"What do you want?" I asked. His behavior looked like a pet dog to me; a puppy. Unfortunately, I preferred cat. He sat stiff across me.

"Y-y-y-you're pretty!" His voice rose.

"…I asked what you want, not asking you whether I was pretty." I arched an eyebrow upon his nervous attitude. "I thank you for the compliment though…" I added.

"Eh? Ah uhm… r-right. W-we're engaged right? You're my fiancé and I'm your fiancé." He spoke.

"So?"

"W-when do you want to…have our ceremony?" He looked at me seriously despite his bashful self. "O-our…wedding." He continued, casting his eyes onto the tatami floor.

"Excuse me?" I shifted my seat and coughed. "Don't misunderstand. We might be engaged, but I have no intention to marry you." I began. "It's not like I have someone I particular like. Well…some people are interesting but I have no romance view on them, including you. I am very grateful that you pampered my friends and my mother. But please, it's nothing but a discomfort to me. I just want a peace and freedom to choose."

"I-is it because I tried to cancel our engagement before?" He frowned, looking at me with those puppy eyes again. I felt bad for him but I couldn't just randomly give myself away.

"No. I was angry about that, yes. But it no longer bothers me."

"B-but I went to Shinsengumi to retrieve you! I-I risked my life for you!" He grew impulsive. He leaned forward, holding me by my shoulders. He was being forceful that my shoulders hurt. I pushed him away immediately. However, he pushed himself forward and took a grip of my wrists.

"I like you! No, I love you!"

"How can you be so sure?!" I struggled.

"I don't know!" He persisted, not letting go of me.

I yelped as I head-butted him with all my might. Groaning with pain, we held onto our heads. Still, I wouldn't give him a second chance. I endured the throbbing pain in my head and slid open the door to find my mother eavesdropping.

"Throw him out!" I said.

"Roger!" Mother ran to get her naginata and with that he was chased out of this house.

For the umpteenth time, I sighed heavily. I glared at mother who excused herself quickly with a nervous smile. I followed her to the dining room and sat in front of her.

"Why didn't you stop him quickly?"

"Uhm…i-I thought…"

"You thought I would like him? Mother! I like him as a human. I don't like him in romantic way! Don't you think you should stop all of this—"

"Good afternoon! Is anybody home?" A voice rang simultaneously with a few knocks. Rolling my eyes, I stood up and went to get the door.

"Ah! I apologize for disturbing!" The man with shohatsu hairstyle bowed deeply. I returned the bow as I dismissed his apology.

"No, no problem. What business do you have with—eh? Y-Yamanami-san?" I lifted my head and saw Yamanami who was full of dirt.

"Ah, is it alright if I come in?" Yamanami spoke with the usual meek attitude.

"Of course!" I chirped as I welcomed him into the house and led him to the dining room. We placed ourselves sitting across each other. I briefly introduced him to my mother before I asked what brought him here. I had an idea why he was here but I wasn't sure it that was the exact case.

"I'm here to apologize on behalf of Shinsengumi." Yamanami said. As I had expected.

"No. It's alright." I smiled weakly. I was still angry.

"Are you sure?" Yamanami frowned. He was truly concerned. "I am sure Hijikata-kun had no bad will against you. I am sure he chose the best decision for you."

"I can't understand what he's thinking. He didn't even discuss it with me. Has he ever respected me as a human being?" I played my fingers on my lap.

"W-well…he indeed is not the typical man you'd find anywhere. Please, forgive him. He is bad with expressing feelings. But isn't your engagement saved?" Yamanami gave another bow before he smiled. Ah, he was such a great man to talk with.

"Again with engagement…" I sighed.

"Is anything wrong with it?" Yamanami prodded.

"I'm thinking of cancelling it."

"Eh?!" Mother squeaked.

"I have no rights to know but…may I know why? Isn't a woman's happiness marriage?" Yamanami asked, bowing yet once again.

"I don't think I'm the typical woman you'd find anywhere." I giggled. "I don't look at my fiancé romantically at the first place. Plus, my family and his family weren't on good terms." I explained.

"How so? But if both families were on bad terms, why would they match you and your fiancé together?"

"The opposite side found my daughter a good material. Her fiancé seemed to have fallen for her too." Mother explained.

"I don't see any point of continuing arranged marriage between Matsudaira Clan and Tosa Clan. It would only put me in difficult position." I poured a cup of tea and served Yamanami who looked surprised.

"Matsudaira clan? I see…" Yamanami soon was smiley again. He sipped his tea. "It's a nice tea!" He looked astonished.

"Oh no. it's just the usual tea." Mother chuckled.

"Ah, I almost forgot. So…are you willing to forgive Hijikata-kun for his absurdity and brash self?" Yamanami eyed me seriously. It seemed as if he would be the one who wouldn't be able to sleep unless I forgave Hijikata.

Powerless to Yamanami, I nodded. "I suppose so." With that, Yamanami thanked me greatly and excused himself. He was eager to share the news I guessed. My mother and I sent him away by the entrance, waved hands and bowed to him.

"Excuse me. I am a representative from Tosa Clan. Here's a summon letter. It is hoped that daughter of this house along with her fiancé, Tenryuu Amatsuki would meet the chief of Tosa clan in Edo regarding the engagement." Came a man to deliver a letter.

I exchanged a look with my mother. We wondered what was going to happen.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

That night after I received the summon letter from Tosa Clan, I had had a talk with my mother. It was a tense talk…probably. One thing for sure was that my departure to Edo was set tomorrow and I was going with Tenryuu. I decided that I must speak directly to the representative of Tosa Clan that I wanted this engagement to be canceled. Knowing it would be tough, i decided to write down what I wanted to say and memorized it.

"You must be careful on your way there. And, watch your language. Are these things enough for your trip?" Mother put in a kimono into the box and shut it. She was worried but we couldn't possibly ignore the invitation. Invitation was a rare thing but the rarity made it exceptionally fundamental. Not answering the invitation would be impolite to both clans.

"I understand. I suppose it's enough. I'll stay only for a few days I suppose."

"Still, you must be very careful with what you're going to say. If possible…don't let the engagement fail." Mother suggested.

"I want it to fail. I have no romantic feelings towards Amatsuki-san." I sighed. There should be a way to cancel it without affecting both clans. It would be a laughing stock if both clans waged a war just because of one engagement. I knew how deep Tenryuu's parents' interest in me but I wasn't capable enough to return the interest. _Only I can stop this engagement…huh?_

"There you go again, silly daughter!"

"There you go again, mother! I want to walk my own choice. Therefore, I have decided that I want to ruin this engagement for my own egoism. Is there any problem?" I said as I covered myself with my blanket. It seemed pointless to keep arguing with my mother so I decided to just sleep.

"If two clans waged war because of this—"

"It would have meant that they were both stupid. What do they see in me anyway? A good material? Please. What is so good about me? I have pretty bad temper, egoistic, selfish, silly, and impolite as you have said."

Mother began to giggle which gradually became a loud laugh. "You look like your father for that one point!" She chirped. I was speechless to hear so. However, there was this one hint of relief within me. It spread slow but surely. Upon the reminisce of my father, I smiled. _He was an emotional father._

"Mom, do you ever feel lonely? Do you hate Shinsengumi?" I asked. Queries popped up my mind when I thought of father which led to mother's view of shinsengumi. It would be obvious if she hated them.

"No. Death is but a temporary leave. When death comes to pick me up, I will meet him again." Mother smiled gently at me. "About Shinsengumi… well, I do hold some anger for almost ruining your marriage. But if you have decided that you will cancel the engagement and work for Shinsengumi, I have no say. Perhaps your fated love is there?" Mother began to chuckle.

"I don't think I'll ever marry anyone. I found acknowledgement in Shinsengumi. Perhaps it's odd to have such request. Women don't usually yearn for that kind of invisible thing. In anyway, I don't think I'll be returning since I've been chased out."

Mother shrugged as she smiled. Without saying a word, she left my room after saying a 'good night'. That night I slept soundly as if I had no problem or trouble at all in the first place despite having a sort of war tomorrow.

OuO/

Morning was always early. When I thought of sleeping longer, mother came to knock on the door to my room and said, "Amatsuki-san is here." I jumped off my bed and dashed towards the bathroom. With the fastest speed I had, I bathed and dressed myself. Once I dressed myself, I ran outside just to recall that I hadn't taken my suitcase. I ran back into the house and took my suitcase along.

_Why didn't mom wake me up earlier?! I would have refused to wake up though…_

Wheezing from all the rushing, I finally stepped out of my house properly with my preparations. I scanned around for Tenryuu but he was nowhere in sight. I turned to my mom who leaned by the frame of the door with her arms folded on her chest.

"Be very careful of your speech. Do not anger them." Mother advised with a rare seriousness. I nodded. Still, I didn't think it would be possible to not anger them since I would be going to disgrace their fine son. _I'm not as good as they think I am. I'm going to put a shame on me and my family too._

_I'm going into enemy's territory…Calm down myself. They will definitely become angry but they surely won't harm me. I'm just a woman; unworthy even to their swords._ I convinced myself as I inhaled deeply and exhaled my worry out. I glanced around for Tenryuu's shadow but he was still not showing up. Where could he have gone?

"H-H-HELP! HELP!" I heard a scream from familiar voice. It clearly belonged to Tenryuu. What trouble had he brought again this time? Previously when he stepped into Shinsengumi, he was lucky to have survived from Hijikata. _Come to think of it why didn't Hijikata kill him? Doesn't Shinsengumi hate Tosa Clan, Satsuma Clan and Chosu Clan very much? Alright. Stop it. Why does everything lead back to him anyway?_

I turned my head towards the source and my eyes almost popped out of its place. Tenryuu was running in high speed with his eyes closed. Fear was plastered on his bloodless face. He bumped on me but it wasn't that forceful so I didn't fall off my footing. I was startled when he bumped on me and grabbed my arms tightly. His teeth were chattering and his eyes weren't focus.

"H-HELP!"

"What is—" I was about to question him when I saw the reason itself. A large dog came from the direction where Tenryuu came. It seemed extremely angry that it kept growling and barking along the way.

'Woof!' the dog barked menacingly. Apparently its bark startled Tenryuu so much that he jumped into my arms as he yelped. With his weight crushing my slender arms, I wobbled on my footing a bit. I wanted to complain but the situation didn't allow it. I wasn't a dog-person and I doubt a dog-person would stay there.

With the same fear, I began to run with Tenryuu in my arms. "Why are you being chased by a dog?!" I questioned in between gasps.

"I was looking for a palanquin for you when I unconsciously stepped onto its tail." Tenryuu replied, trembling.

"I don't need a palanquin! You're heavy!" I said as I kept my legs running. "This position is wrong!"

"I-I know! But I'm afraid of dog!"

"You're hopeless!"

"I'm sorry!" He apologized. I guessed he must have been really frightened "You smell nice… Does every girl feel so comfortable?"

"Excuse me?!"

"I'm sorry!"

I was certain that we were conspicuous. I could feel eyes on us but Tenryuu seemed to enjoy his trip. I disagreed with him embracing me but I couldn't possibly drop him. _Why can't he just deal with the dog himself and not drag me along? _ I could feel my arms breaking from his weight but my adrenaline urged me to keep running. _The dog is right behind us what else can I do? _Running in formal kimono was a trouble but my martial art practice served me well in such situation. I couldn't take big step so I moved my legs faster. _Tenryuu is slowing me down. I have to drop him._

"Amatsuki-san, I'm dropping you." I said.

"Huh?! D-don't!"

"Once I let go of you, run!" That instant, I released my grip on him and threw him off my arms. He squeaked upon the fall but his reflex helped him. He ran as I had ordered. We blended into the crowds to confuse the dog which worked effectively. Then, I we took a turn into the alley and walked our way back to my house. When we reached there, mother was there with a palanquin prepared. We caught our breath and decided that it would be wise to hurry.

"Mom, I'll be back soon." I greeted as I took a step into the palanquin. _What a day._

"Take care." Mom said, smiling.

_I'll definitely miss you, mom._ I returned the smile as I entered the palanquin. That moment, Tenryuu attempted to enter the palanquin as well so I pushed him out. "Get your own palanquin!" A palanquin only fit one person. He must have obnoxious idea in his mind, seeing from his flustered face when he tried to enter.

We embarked on our journey to Edo.

\OuO

I wanted to deal with this engagement immediately but our trip towards Edo was frequently stopped by Tenryuu. He kept dragging me around to shops just to look at the items on sale. It seemed that Tenryuu had never been on a trip before. His eyes were gleaming with amusement. Following him was enough trouble, not to mention him getting lost. _He's like a puppy. _He asked me whether I had something I wanted because he was going to buy it for me. However, I had no intention to be in debt with him. He was noisy along the way so I had to accept it to make him stop babbling. He bought me a sash.

After being dragged around the town, Tenryuu bought many things of no purpose. When I asked him about it, he answered 'presents for my grandfather and grandmother!' proudly.

"Grandfather and grandmother?"

"Yes. They arranged our marriage." Tenryuu beamed. He hummed along as he entered the palanquin. We took off to our next destination for an inn.

Well, although I had no wealth as much as Tenryuu but I had enough to rent a room for myself. When we reached an inn, Tenryuu attempted to rent a room for two but I found out about it and rented a small room far from the room he had rented.

"He's an eager one, isn't he?" The inn owner asked with teasing tone.

"A rather fool he is." I replied bluntly as I left the entrance to the appointed room. I was exhausted and I wanted to rest immediately. I put my things in my room and prepared for a bath. I quickened my pace towards the hot spring. The warm steam blew onto my face that moment I stepped into it. It felt good. I bathed before I entered the water.

I was quite lucky. The hot spring wasn't crowded. There were several women including me; total of five women in the hot spring. No one talked. To be honest, it was better off not talking. They seemed to enjoy the water very much that they didn't look around.

_Oh…she's beautiful._ I saw a woman far across me who had silky dark brown hair. She had big round eyes, pointed nose, smooth milky skin and nice body curve. It wasn't as if I was jealous of her body. She looked like the ideal women wanted to be. _I need to stop this bad habit of mine…huh? She's…looking at me?_ Knowing that she noticed me, I gave a slight bow and a smile. She bowed and gave a smile as well. Then she slowly approached me.

She sat beside me and leaned to my ear. She whispered, "Will you help me a hand?"

"What is it?" I asked, blinking my eyes in wonder.

"Let me embrace you for a while."

"Eh?" The woman embraced me suddenly making me a bit uncomfortable. By my ear she whispered again. "There's a mouse snooping around. When I lure them out, throw the buckets at them." She passed two buckets from under the water to me.

I nodded. I was a bit nervous knowing that someone peeked into women's bath. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. I gripped the buckets strongly.

"Sugimura-dono and your partner in crime, please stop whatever you're doing." She spoke aloud. There was no response. "You, men sure have no dignity. How dare you peek on us?" From under her towel, a kunai slid down into her palm. Then with talent she fired it at the wooden wall which separated the women's and men's. A creak was heard. It came from the other side.

"I'm sorry!" A head popped up at the top of the wooden wall. Seeing Tenryuu's red face, I grew angry and aimed the bucket at him. With every sense of accuracy, I hit his face. Right beside Tenryuu, another head peeked in and I hit it perfectly as well. Due to my perfect timing, I didn't manage to look at the face of 'Sugimura'.

A groan was heard and it gave me a sort of satisfaction.

"Thank you." The woman said.

"Thank you too." I replied. It felt really refreshing somehow.

O3O/

After the bath, the inn owner came to tell me that the dinner was served. Such a nice timing, I was starving. Heading straight to the room for dinner, I was happy. I placed myself sitting comfortably before the food. I began to eat. The fresh fish was scrumptious. It would be perfect if I ate with Souji who would crack joke. _Come to think of it…I won't be returning. But, it doesn't matter if I go for a visit right? If only I had no engagement to deal with._ I sighed.

The door was slid open. Tenryuu entered sheepishly while I stared at him accusingly. He sat slowly across me, not looking at me in my eyes. He picked up his bowl of rice and chopsticks but he was not touching the food. He threw a few glances at me. He became restless. He calmed down. He glanced at me again and the cycle repeated itself for several rounds.

"What do you want?" I sighed, putting down my bowl and chopsticks.

"I…I want to apologize…"

"I don't need your apology. I need your maturity. Stop whatever childish act you're doing. Be a man already." I said, looking at him hopelessly. He didn't say anything but he seemed to be in deep thought. Hence, I decided to resume my dinner.

"…do you hate me?" He spoke suddenly.

"No. I'm just angry." I replied bluntly. "Eat."

Tenryuu nodded slightly and began eating; like…finally. I sighed as I finished up my meal. I proceeded to reach for my tea and sipped it. Tea was the only thing which could calm me after a rage or a cry. For some reason I remembered the tea Souji brought to me that morning. It was very delicious. _Did he say that it was Hijikata who made it? Nah. Doubt it._ A sort of irritation began to overwhelm me upon the memory of that one demon. I decided to banish the thought and focused on my current mission.

"Amatsuki-san, you said your grandparents arranged our marriage, right?" I asked.

"Hyesh(yes)." Tenryuu replied as he sipped his miso soup.

"What kind of person are they?" I stared at his eyes, expecting answers.

"They are very kind." Tenryuu replied bluntly. It was not what I wanted.

"Can you describe them?" I prodded.

"Grandfather is a bit strict but he has a spot for sweets. Grandmother looks gentle but is actually very strong and willful. Even grandfather is afraid of grandmother sometimes…Grandma has a spot for apple!" Tenryuu finished his meal and placed down the utensils.

"I see. Well, I'll look forward meeting them. Good night." I supposed it was better to think about the strategy first. I excused myself to my room and decided that I would think about it thoroughly. I didn't think it would be simple. It would be a tough battle. As I walked through the hallway and climbed up the stairs, I saw the woman I had helped in the bath. I smiled and bowed at her. She did the same as well.

"Thank you for your cooperation. If you need any help, just come over to my room. At the east. Last second room. Your accompany seems very eager for your attention." She said.

"No it was nothing. Ah…I see. Thank you for your offer but I'll be fine. He can't hurt me." I smiled. "Well, farewell." I gave another bow and walked towards my room. I slid open the door and shut it. I walked in and placed myself sitting before the desk.

_A spot for sweets… and strict grandmother with a penchant to apple. Perhaps I could bribe them with some sweets and apples then, try getting close with the grandmother before I speak anything. But…will it work? I prefer telling them once we reach there; it's rude though._ I pondered. For now I could only make out these conclusions. _I must persuade them somehow. There are ways to make them dislike me. However, I must not disgrace my clan. Going there to cancel a marriage would put me in disadvantage. I can only hope they won't use me to threaten my cousin. Considering our clans are cold to each other._

I sighed. No matter how I thought about it, it all just came to the conclusion that I was at disadvantage. Still, I didn't lose hope to cancel this marriage. Everything reached to the point of 'due to tomorrow, does it tomorrow'. I had to turn the disadvantage to my advantage but how? Thinking didn't seem to help. The fatigue of the trip had made my mind blunt that perhaps if I slept early, I would be able to think of something the next day.

Therefore, I decided to sleep. I crawled onto the bed and covered myself with the blanket. I slept in an instant. I must have been very exhausted. The bed was so comfortable that I felt myself drifting away into the land of fantasy. I must applaud the inn for their beds. I felt my fatigue fading away.

_I hear screams. I hear cries. It's all dark. Where do they come from? I can't move. The sound of swords clashing, the sound of swords pierce the flesh… it's horrible. Where am i? It's getting bright I can see my hands. ugh?! What is this? B-blood…?_

My eyes fluttered open that instant. _What was that?! _I wheezed and attempted to calm my breathing. Beads of sweat flowed down my neck, chilling the already cold night. I could feel my blood being drained off my face. I had a nightmare and I woke up to a nightmare. Someone was hovering over me. I knew who it was so, i sighed.

"What are you doing in a woman's room?" I stared at Tenryuu boringly.

"Didn't you say you want my maturity? I don't mind doing it now if it pleases you." Tenryuu leaned down, pulling our proximity close. He was getting on my nerves. He must have misunderstood me.

"Have you no shame?" With my index finger and middle finger, I squeezed his nose in between my fingers as I got up. He groaned in pain as I pinched his nose.

"Get out!" I stood up, still with his nose between my fingers. With force, I brought him outside of my room. Being the slave to the pain, he followed my movement. Once he stepped out of room, I released my fingers and shut the door again. He had to stop whatever he was doing. _I have no feelings for him._

O3Ov

Morning came and i was grateful I was awake early in the morning. I found out that Tenryuu was trying to sneak into my room again. I stood there staring at him silently as he shut the door. When he spun and saw me, he was startled that he slipped and fell backwards, breaking the door under his weight. In the end he had to pay the repairing fee.

I became very cautious around Tenryuu. He would occasionally near me and pulled me into his arms. I fled before he managed so. He would disappear in crowds in town. His excitement for shopping was odd; definitely. Then out of nowhere he would whisper some odd things beside my ear like "You're the rose of my garden life." He could do anything just about any time. He was annoying; very annoying. I walked fast, leaving him on his own. Still, as tempting the town was to him, he followed obediently from behind.

"Walk far from me." I ordered as I looked at him angrily.

"…I'm sorry…" He apologized. With his head bowed down, and his shoulders hunched forward, he walked.

Our trip continued like this for the next few days until we finally reached Edo. Then a thought came to me. What would the grandparents do if they knew how I treated Tenryuu? It was all Tenryuu's fault anyway. There was no use in lying, I should just report this to his grandparents and asked for their consent to cancel the marriage.

When we stepped down from the palanquins, there were people welcoming us. Noticing the swords by their waists, I could tell they were Tosa's samurai. I realized that I was at the edge of a lion's mouth. I gulped down my own saliva and braced myself to step into the inn which had been rented for us. _Calm down. I can do this—_

"Come on! I can't wait to meet my grandparents!" Tenryuu pulled me by my wrist, running into the inn. I could guarantee he was very similar to a dog. His odd strength due to his excitement might—would harm me. I couldn't really keep up with his running that I hit my foot's little finger on the stairs. I didn't even have any moment to scream or groan. The next thing that happened was, Tenryuu tripped on his own socks which made us crush on the door leading to the room where his grandparents were. There was no necessity to describe how embarrassing it was…right?

"Tenryuu?! Are you alright?" Tenryuu's grandmother stood up immediately from her seat at the same time with Tenryuu's grandfather. They approached us and helped us up. They both had white hair like how old people usually were but they seemed extraordinary healthy and strong.

I think I lost the timing to groan about my foot's little finger.

"Are you alright? Why are you in tears? Did Tenryuu hurt you?" Tenryuu's grandma propped me up to sit.

"Eh? Uhm…my foot's little finger hit the stairs when Amatsuki-san suddenly ran." I wiped away my tears and smiled. "I'm fine." _She's a gentle grandmother…_

"Tenryuu! Sit! How dare you make a woman suffer! You should be aware that a woman is a delicate living being and shouldn't be treated roughly! Are you guilty? Tell me you're guilty!" Tenryuu's grandmother preached suddenly. Tenryuu responded to it immediately by sitting straight, casting his eyes down on the tatami floor and nodded to every phrase his grandmother had said.

_I take back my words. She's scary._

"This is the first time we have met right? My name is Amatsuki Gobu. Tenryuu's grandfather. Before your father passed away, we were friends." Gobu sighed, looking sad. He seemed very sincere towards my father. Perhaps he would agree with me to cancel the wedding?

"We're very sorry for Tenryuu's recklessness. He has been like this since his birth. No matter how many time we preach about it to him, he doesn't change a bit." Tenryuu's grandmother bowed to which I bowed back. "Ah, my name is Amatsuki Sako. Tenryuu's grandmother." Sako greeted.

"Nice to meet you, Amatsuki Gobu-san, Amatsuki Sako-san." I bowed another time.

"Ah…just Gobu and Sako. You don't have to be so formal with us. We were friends with your father after all." Gobu dismissed me quickly. He placed himself sitting across me and Tenryuu. Sako sat beside her husband. We were finally going to have a talk.

"Gobu-san, I heard that you and Sako-san arranged this marriage. Is it true?" I began. Reciting what I had prepared previously. I must make this fast.

"Precisely, no. This marriage was long arranged by your father and us. It was decided that our family's first son would take a daughter from the other side." Gobu responded.

"Isn't it odd to marry a woman from the enemy clan?" Truth to be told, I was very nervous to ask this question knowing that I was in enemy's territory.

"I don't think so. Your mother also married your father."Gobu continued. He looked very relaxed. I thought I was on the right track until Gobu opened his mouth to speak again, "What is your point of asking all these?" He hit the bull's eye and turned my plans in vain.

"I…want to cancel this marriage." I stared into Gobu's eyes.

"Eh?!" Tenryuu yelped. "B-but…why?! I thought I told you I like you! W-where have I done wrong?"

"Tenryuu!" Sako reminded that he had no place to speak yet.

I inhaled deep and exhaled slowly. The pressure was already pressing onto me from Gobu's and Sako's stare. I never thought they would like me at the first place, seeing that I came from the clan they hated so much. They must have agreed upon this marriage in respect for my father. Not that I didn't understand. But I wanted my own happiness.

"What is your reason?" Sako asked.

"I have no romantic feelings towards Tenryuu." I replied bluntly; convincing myself mentally that I should stay on guard in case they had hired an assassin to kill me. I doubt it though.

"Is that so? What if I told you I hold no romantic feelings to Gobu-san?"

"Eh?!" Gobu yelped.

"It's just an 'if' Gobu-san!" Sako told him. Apparently it made him calm again. _A wife's power and virtue…eh? This sure is tough._

"Marriage doesn't have to be based on romantic feelings. As long as you have a respect or a sort of penchant to the opponent as a human, love is just a supplementary, or should I say that you will find love in the process after marriage?" Sako explained, smiling confidently.

"I want to pursue my happiness."

"We want to pursue our happiness too" Gabo finally spoke. "We want to unite two clans with this marriage." Gabo grinned.

"Unite…two contradicting clans?" Frowning at them, I couldn't believe what I had just heard. Uniting Tosa clan and Matsudaira clan? What kind of stupid dream were they thinking? I felt a huge discomfort in my heart and I knew immediately that I was stepping on a sword's edge. Still, I felt the urge to confirm it. "What if…I refused?"

"I believe Protector of Kyoto, Katamori will not ignore his cousin. Never." Gabo threatened, emphasizing the last word. I understood that it meant they would take me as a hostage if I refused the marriage. Katamori was my cousin. We were dear to each other. Katamori was now the protector of Kyoto, a retainer of Shogun as well as the Lord of Aizu. As I had expected, they would use me to blackmail my cousin. However, uniting two clans wouldn't help anyone. It would be the same cold war for the next few decades!

"Both clans have different policies and idealism. How do you plan to unite them?" I decided to challenge on Gabo.

"We, Tosa Clan will influence them. Sovereignty of this Land of Rising Sun should be returned to the Emperor." Gabo explained.

"Emperor?! The Emperor himself hasn't ruled in thousands of year! Even if the sovereignty were to be returned to the emperor…the emperor is still too young!" It was all absurd. Tosa clan which supported the Emperor while Aizu clan supported the Shogunate. How would they support each other? If the Emperor were to take back the power, then everything which had been built to support and rule Land of Rising Sun would come to an end in the hands of anti-shogunate.

"Such a rare woman you are. Your mother must have educated you well." Sako complimented, giggling a little. "We will choose a representative as a counselor for the young emperor." She narrowed her eyes, looking at me menacingly.

"…in the end you're saying that you and your allies will rule our motherland, is that it?!" my heart burned in anger upon their plans. My heart burned in anger upon their ill intention of using me to threaten my cousin. "Katamori-sama will not listen to your request regardless of what you're going to do to me." I kept myself composed since there was no necessity to get all emotional. _I mustn't get emotional._ I told myself. Still, I gripped on my sleeves, controlling myself from going berserk.

"I don't care about the emperor or the shogunate! I only want you right now!" Tenryuu shouted suddenly. His cheeks were flushed red. "We can deal with those after we have settled our marriage!" He added.

"…Ten-chan…you sure have grown. Alright, we'll continue the talk another time. Take a rest you two." Gobu said, looking different from him when he talked about motherland's fate. He returned to 'Tenryuu's grandfather'.

They dismissed our meeting and summoned someone to bring us to our rooms.

OuOb

I dipped myself in the bath tub, drowning myself to drown whatever troubles I had. Once my breath reached its limit, I emerged from the water and breathe normally. I sighed heavily as I hugged my legs. I was troubled. For thousands of year, the shogunate had been maintaining the peace. If everything were to be returned to the Emperor, surely everything would crumble.

"What to do…?" I sighed yet once again. _Mother…what should I do in this state?_ I began to imagine what my mother would likely say to me. From her personality, she would surely fight her way out of here. But I prefer solving with peace before I actually fought with violence. _Violence is not really nice… _I thought.

_Father would be so disappointed in me for canceling the marriage he had made for my happiness. But this isn't the happiness that I want. I'm sorry, father. _Feeling the little guilt pierced my heart, I could feel warm tears welling up my eyes.

_—__lack of sexual appeal_

"Why are you appearing in my mind Demon elbow[1] and shoulder[2]?!" A sudden reminiscence by my random mind disturbed me. I splashed the water around. Feeling annoyed by that one insult Hijikata had ever said, I decided to leave the bathroom. Wearing a layer of thin bathrobe, I walked towards my assigned room which was very near. I entered the room and got myself a new change of undergarment and kimono. Removing the thin bathrobe off myself, I saw my ugliness. _Perhaps…Hijikata-san was right. 'Lack of sexual appeal' was it? Huh? No one in good mind would want me as wife._

'thud!' a noise rang. I came from the door.

"Who is it?!" I turned my eyes towards the source of the noise and saw Tenryuu sneaking into my room again. I was extremely embarrassed. I picked the kimono up quickly and covered myself with it. I had a secret and he must have seen it_. _I felt tears welling up my eyes in embarrassment. Biting my lips I kept my eyes away from Tenryuu.

"…t-the…wound on your chest—"

" –No one would want a wife with scars, right?" My eyes became blurred with rapid leaking tears. "Please. Leave me alone." I pleaded, burying myself into the kimono I head in my arms. There was no further shame than this. However this strengthened the fact that my marriage would fail.

"I'm very sorry." Tenryuu said and exited my room.

That evening I refused to join the dinner. I had no idea what kind of face I should put to face Tenryuu. I doubt he would show up either.

The scars he had seen on my chest were due to an accident a year ago during the Ikedaya inn raid. I was on my way home from the festival and I was too amazed by the town's beauty in lanterns and other decorations that I didn't notice an escapee from Ikedaya inn was running straight to me. Perhaps he thought I was an obstacle so he decided to pull his sword and stab me with it. My reflex saved my life. I managed to dodge upon the reflection of the sword. The steel didn't manage to take my life away but it managed to rob away my value as a woman. It left a scar on my chest. Since I hadn't died from that one strike, he wasn't happy of course, so he went for another swing and inflicted another scratch on my side, leaving another scar.

Upon the blood loss, I stumbled on my footing and fell on my butt. My consciousness was fading away when I saw someone ended that escapee's life. When I woke up, I was on my bed and by my side was my mother in tears.

Well, the wounds had healed but the scars wouldn't go.

OnO/

A week and two days had passed. During those days I avoided Tenryuu who constantly attempted to have a talk with me. There was no way I would want to meet him.

I also wrote a letter to my mother, saying that I would probably stay longer since the matter hadn't been solved yet.

I tried to get an audience with Gobu and Sako to speak clearly what I wanted. _Is it only me or do I sense they are trying to hold me here? _However, they seemed to have many meetings with important people that I wasn't allowed to enter the room. In the end, I stayed in the room beside and listened to their conversations. To my disgust, what they conversed were about how bad Shinsengumi was and how much a nuisance Katamori was.

"There's this oiran who's close to unit three's captain, Saitou Hajime. He thought nobody would notice his disguise name."

"You think he's cruel?"

"Of course. He has killed countless of our men during the Ikedaya affair!"

_With which oiran he wants to be with is none of your business anyway! Ikedaya affair?_

"Okita Souji is such a liar. Smiling everywhere he goes with a demon hidden inside. He has thousands of face!" A man commented. I became angry. I knew it was wrong. Souji was quite annoying sometimes but he definitely wasn't a liar.

"Kondo is a fool to follow the Shogun. He should know that the Emperor is the rightful ruler of our motherland! He's rotten to the core! He had slain many of my comrades in the Ikedaya incident. Damn it! I'll have my revenge one day!"

Oh, all those bad things they said about Kondo… Although I had only seen him from delivering meals, I knew immediately that he was a loyal and passionate man from his eyes. _He is being faithful to his governor, what's so rotten about that?!_

"Hijikata's your typical jerk. Remember the raid in a tea house? Our dearest friend was accidentally killed there. Apparently Hijikata was the one leading the raid."

_Tea house? Accidentally killed? …is it…father?! _Upon the unexpected news, I was too surprised to think about anything. Everything seemed like an illusion, there was no such coincidence! How could it be…Could it be that father was killed by Hijikata? _What am I thinking? I don't have any proof, how can I be sure?_

"Oh! And Yamanami Keisuke is a top mask man! He's a damned fox."

_No. Yamanami is a very kind man._

"Todo Heisuke, scholar of the famous dojo joined in Shinsengumi too. He's an idiot for joining the barbarians' side."

_No. He's not an idiot._

"Harada was a goof!"

_No. He's not a goof._

"Shinpachi from the renowned family chose Shinsengumi instead of his family! Don't you think he's laughable? Hearing it makes me laugh out uncontrollably! Ahahaha!"

_He's not laughable. _

I had enough of eavesdropping. I stomped out of the room and returned to my room. I was sick of the place. I wasn't getting married and I wasn't staying. I packed my things and that was when I saw a foreign envelope. I ripped the corner and took the letter out. It caught me with happiness. It was a letter from my cousin. I had no idea how he managed to know my situation, my room and how he had sent it here. _Could it be that mother anticipated this and asked Katamori-san to do this?_ On the thin paper was written with neat writings of Katamori which I was familiar with. The content was written that he as the Lord of Aizu gave consent of the marriage's cancelation and a refusal to unite two clans. _Finally, if daughter of Masaharu Akio were to be hurt, Aizu would wage war with Tosa Clan…Oh my God. _I couldn't stop myself from grinning upon the letter. There was an official seal from Katamori too. I doubted that the Tosa clan wouldn't release me. I folded the letter and kept it under my kimono.

Without a moment of hesitation, i walked my way to the entrance. Due to the meeting Gobu held, the guards seemed to be guarding the meeting room. Still, there was one obstacle in sight.

"Where are you going with all your things?" Tenryuu just came back from wherever he had gone. He didn't look surprised. "Do you not like this inn because it's too noisy with all the guests?" he asked innocently.

"I'm going back to Kyoto." I said bluntly as I wore my clogs.

"You can't. Grandfather told me if you were to step out of this inn, I would… have to kill you." Tenryuu cast his eyes down. His eyebrows were knitted together. He looked sincerely concerned.

"Kill me then." I knew he couldn't kill me even if his grandfather ordered him to. He looked surprised upon my request. He tilted his head to look at me, making sure I was joking; but I wasn't. He put down his things and dashed forward to me. He embraced me.

"Please! Don't go back! Stay!" Tenryuu begged.

"Let go off me if you wish for your clan's safety! Katamori-sama has sent for me!" I struggled in vain. Tenryuu held me tight like glue.

"No, I won't! Men!" Tenryuu shouted, calling for men of Tosa. Immediately, several men approached us.

"What is going on?!" Gobu too, came upon Tenryuu's shout. Once he saw me and my suitcase, he understood. "Tenryuu, kill her." He ordered. He stood firm there from quite afar, watching me and Tenryuu with a disturbing calmness.

"Grandfather!"

"Do it!" Gobu persisted.

"I wouldn't do it if I were Amatsuki-san." I smiled as I freed a hand to reach for the letter. I thrust it to Tenryuu. He released me as he accepted the letter. Reading the content, Tenryuu turned pale.

"I can't kill her, grandfather… Lord of Aizu…Katamori will banish our clan if we kill her!" Tenryuu said with horror and terror.

"Then capture her." Gobu said calmly. He didn't seem provoked by the letter and it made me very uneasy. I was about to run out of the entrance but it was such a misfortune that Tenryuu had once again held me in his arms. I struggled with all my might and successfully shook Tenryuu away.

"Men!" Gobu called and those men who had gathered immediately came to me and attempted to capture me. However, I wouldn't give up. I dropped my suitcase and flipped my clogs upwards. I held both clogs in my hands and swung it as if I was swinging short swords. Successfully knocking down a few men, I felt my confidence increased.

"Marvelous. You will be a good wife for Tenryuu." Gobu praised.

Abruptly, someone knocked me by my nape and I felt my body went numb. It was Tenryuu who had lay a strike on me. With one swift swing, he carried me on his shoulder. He was expressionless despite my struggle. He brought me to the room which I was assigned to and locked me there. Not only that, he also asked a few men to guard the door to my disadvantage. I wasn't allowed to step out of the room; bathroom became my only sanctuary other than my bed. Of course, I tried climbing up from the bathroom to escape but beyond the wall were guards. I had no choice but to stay still until help came or until a miraculous idea appeared in my mind.

* * *

><p>[1] Also pronounced as 'hiji' in Japanese. Same pronunciation but different word with Hijikata's name.<p>

[2] Also pronounced as 'kata' in Japanese. Same pronunciation but different word with Hijikata's name.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

My room was connected to a small yard with bathroom not far away. From my room to the right side, there was a dried up willow tree. Separating me from the outside world, there was a wall which confined my room, the bathroom and the willow tree.

I didn't really count how long I had been locked in my room. How many times had the sun risen? How many times had the moon appeared? Around a week I supposed. During that one week I woke up late in the morning and slept late in night. Sometimes I woke up in middle of the night and sometimes I woke up in the dawn. I got sick of such boring routines.

I couldn't go anywhere except bathroom and bed room; vice-versa. Food was delivered to my room three times a day. There was nothing particular to do with limited access. I formerly thought of visiting the town but I didn't expect it would turn out like this. I thought with my cousin's seal, I could return to Kyoto quickly. Who knew that people of Tosa were so persistent? _Uniting two clans won't be easy. They say they will influence pro shogunate side…but how? Don't tell me they plan to use me because I'm a relative to Lord of Aizu, Katamori? Like I will let them do as they like!_

Getting up from my bed, I cleaned up the bed and went to have a quick bath. After the bath, I faced the desk and devised a plan. Escaping wouldn't be easy but it worth a try. _Climbing from the bathroom is not good. They station guards the whole day beyond the wall. Guards are also stationed outside of this room. Is there anything I can do? Tenryuu hasn't visited since he locked me here. If only he visited, I could somehow ask him to help. Heck, will Gobu even let him visit? Will he even help? _Thinking hard but nothing came up was truly frustrating. I disliked being confined. I disliked being not free. I must think of something up.

"Excuse me miss. I'm here to deliver breakfast." A maid knocked on the door and reported. Her coming gave me a sudden magnificent idea. Even if Tenryuu dared not to visit, if I asked…he would come right? The chances weren't that high due to Gobu's presence, but I could only hope. Quickly I wrote on a piece of paper, 'visit me' and folded it small. I approached the door and slid open the door. The maid lifted up the tray of meal and put it in the room. Before she took back her hands, I grabbed her wrist which made her surprised.

"Sssh—pass this to Amatsuki Tenryuu-san." I whispered to her.

"What is this, miss?" She looked at me suspiciously. Of course, I expected that reaction.

"…A-actually…a love letter. But don't tell him that! Please! I'll be very embarrassed!" I pleaded—acted. I had to do this for her to believe me. Since it's a maid, I had to use a reason which she could understand as a woman. I doubted she wouldn't tell. Well... tell or not didn't matter as long as she passed it to Tenryuu.

"L-love letter?"

"S-sort of…I guess. " I hid my face with my sleeves; pretending to be bashful.

"I understand." The maid gave me a gentle smile. At that point, I was sure she believed me. She closed the door and went away.

I was relieved the guards outside didn't suspect anything wrong. I only had to wait for Tenryuu's arrival. While I waited, I began to arrange the strategy. _What should I say when he comes? 'help'? no, no, it won't do. Erm… 'save me' ? no. it sounds weird. _Like that, I pondered the whole day while waiting. Morning turned to noon, noon to afternoon and afternoon turned to evening. Tenryuu didn't show up.

It was late and I was getting sweaty from all the rolling I did on the floor due to the overwhelming boredom which had been consuming me for so long. I decided to take a bath. The day passed in a blink of an eye. Everything seemed dull to me now that I had nowhere to go. Even bath seemed boring to me.

I wanted to go home. I wanted to meet my friends. I missed my mother.

Entering the bathtub, I sighed. _I hope they haven't sent any threats to my cousin…_ I rubbed my hands against each other and began rubbing my arms; cleaning myself. Seeing the scars on my body, I began to wonder if Tenryuu had told Gobu about it and that he wanted to cancel the wedding. _Aren't men like that? Woman with scars on their body has no value as a woman. So…am I not a woman? Well, in any way I have no intention of getting married. Not now. _Bathing became boring that I quickly ended it. I dressed up and wondered what I should do.

_I was very busy in Shinsengumi back then… has the culprit been found? How are they now? Are they eating well? Are they taking great care of hygiene? _I picked up the brush and started to draw little people of Shinsengumi; Souji, Heisuke, Shinpachi, Harada, Yamanami, Kondo…and Hijikata. On Hijikata's doodle, I added two horns on his temple. I couldn't help but to laugh out loud when I saw how ugly my drawing was and how Hijikata looked real there despite being a mere stickman on a piece of paper.

_'__Can't you find a reason to stay?'_

One query by Yamanami echoed within my mind, reminding me of many debts I had. I smiled in memory of days in the past. _I must get out of here first before wondering about them. _I put the papers away and took another blank paper. On it, I wrote Tenryuu, Gobu and Tosa Clan. I tried to relate everything they had spoken before._ They threatened me and they planned to use me to threaten my cousin and my clan. My clan I must not disgrace. My clan I must protect. If I stayed here, the war would occur. What can I do to prevent the imminent war? Oh…that's right, why didn't I think of being honest and straight forward to Tenryuu? I must have a talk with Tenryuu. Telling him what will happen if they held me here. I'm sure he will comprehend._

As I pondered, a knock on the door wrenched me back to reality. I approached the door and slid it open. It was the maid. She brought dinner and nothing else.

"Young master has read the message." She said in a whisper.

"H-how did he react?" I began my act.

"He was bashful." She giggled softly. "He seemed very nervous and hesitant." She added as she placed the tray inside.

"I see. Do you think…I should write again tomorrow?" I asked, looking at her with a sheepish smile.

"Of course. Despite being bashful and hesitant. Young master must have felt very blessed." The maid smiled. "Well then, I shall come again tomorrow morning, miss. Have a good rest." The maid excused herself and shut the door. I could hear her footsteps fading.

I brought the tray of meal to the middle of the room and ate it.

_Tenryuu has read the message. Will he come at night?_ I thought. With Gobu awake, I was convinced that Tenryuu didn't dare to visit me. Perhaps at night, Tenryuu's courage would urge him. Thus, I waited until the sky was painted in black. Birds disappeared into the night, crickets began their party, and the sparkling stars showed up but Tenryuu had not appeared.

OuO/

I didn't know when I fell asleep. It was morning again when I woke up. I went straight to the desk and wrote another letter. 'I'm lonely.' I wrote and folded it small. I left it on the desk as I went for a bath. Once I finished my bath, a knock on the door was audible. It must be the maid. I dressed myself quickly and opened the door.

"Good morning, miss." The maid smiled as she gave me a bow.

"Good morning. What's for breakfast today?" I asked.

"Noodles." The maid moved the tray into the room. "Will there be any letter today, miss?"

"Ah yes. Please wait a while." I walked to the desk and brought the well folded letter to the maid. "Thank you. I'm sorry for bothering you." I frowned.

The maid shook her head as she took the letter and kept it hidden in her sleeves. She glanced at the guards and excused herself.

I spent the day doodling and waiting. When dinner came, I asked the maid about him. However, she said that Tenryuu had guests today that he didn't read it directly when he received the letter. I waited. Upon the boredom, I went to search around the room for something I could use to train myself. I found nothing which caused me to throw brushes instead.

Time flew as I focused myself in throwing brushes. Due to exhaustion and boredom, I went to bath and after that I went to sleep until evening. People were coming and the rowdiness woke me up. Then, I waited for the dinner. The maid came later than usual.

"Is there any particular thing happening out there?" I asked.

"Guests were coming to meet Gobu-sama." The maid replied as she placed the tray just like how she usually did.

"What kind of guests?" I prodded but she shrugged and shook her head. "They would be staying here too." She added.

_If the maid knew nothing about the guests, then they would probably be people of Tosa as well. They must have come to talk about my matter with Tenryuu. _I thought.

"You must be busy. Go along." I said. With that, the maid excused herself.

I ate dinner and went to sleep directly as I didn't see any improvement of situation. I was getting impatient and worried that I might not get out of the place. _Will help come? I believe my cousin wouldn't take much risk. If he were to send help, it would be some spies. I must get out of here by myself before he sent any help. Mustn't…let him trouble himself… _I sighed and succumbed to my drowsiness.

Another morning came and I woke up late, seeing the tray of breakfast there by the door. I crawled there to see what the menu was. _Rice, miso soup and tofu…_ I looked at the food boringly. I had come to the point where food looked dull as well. I had no intention to eat but that moment I saw something poking out from under the bowl of soup. I immediately knew that it was a letter, perhaps a reply from Tenryuu. I quickly picked the bowl up and seized the letter. I put down the bowl of soup and opened the letter.

'I am too ashamed to look at you for what I had done before' was written inside the letter. I was a bit surprised. The way he wrote it irritated me somehow as it reminded of how he liked to sneak into my room. In my case it would be advantageous to forgive him but my anger wouldn't let me.

I put the letter on the desk and went to do my daily routine; bath, breakfast, throwing brushes and searched around my access area. I just noticed a broom in the bathroom. I took it and removed the rope which tied it. It was now an ordinary stick. _Mother used to train with a halberd… what's so good about it? Hmm… if I remembered correctly, she swung it like this… _I swung the stick and felt the fun of learning how to use halberd. With that, I found another thing to do in amidst of boredom. I practiced until noon.

As I rested, I wrote a reply to Tenryuu's message. 'I have forgiven you. But fix that bad habit of yours.' I folded it and waited for the maid to come. When she came, I passed the letter to her. I also thanked her for the message this morning.

I returned to throwing brushes and swinging stick. It was always good to exercise. Maybe I should ask my mother to teach me how to use halberd when I got back.

That evening, guests were streaming into the room next door. Curiosity called me to eavesdrop. _Do they have nothing better to do than talking bad about shinsengumi? _I sighed as I sat, leaning by the wall. All those bad remarks were no longer new. It sounded like a repetition of what they spoke before. _Idiots, stupid, cruel, ruthless, cunning, and many more. Do they ever shut up? _I began to wonder.

Again, I remembered what Yamanami had asked me. _A reason to stay? Is 'to pay back debt' enough? Come to think of it, I haven't paid back Hijikata-san's hakama…Does it serve as a reason? _

"Have you heard of the news?" A man asked. His voice shook me off my mind. I pressed my ear on the wall to listen closely. _What news?_

"What is it? Oh! Is it about that? That's a great thing! That man is finally dead!"

_I can't hear clearly. They are cheering. What is it?_

"That Yamanami Keisuke committed seppuku."

_Huh?! Y-Yamanami-san…committed seppuku? But why?! He…he wouldn't violate the rules! No… no way. Why?! I must return. _I convinced myself that it wasn't true. There was no proof. I calmed myself down and waited for Tenryuu's reply.

However, there was no reply that night and for another two days. It made me anxious. I had been sending letters. 'When will you meet me?' and 'when will you come?' yet, there was no reply for another few days. The maid said he was busy handling guests.

One morning when I woke up late due to the addition of practice, I saw a folded paper poking under the bowl again. I rose quickly and went to get it. To my joy, it was written 'I'll visit tonight.' A sudden pump of spirit coursed within me as I went to bath and had my breakfast. I cleaned up the papers i used to draw people of Shinsengumi. I couldn't wait for him to arrive. I had to tell him everything I knew about the risk of keeping me here.

Yet. Tenryuu never showed up. I waited for so long and I had to wait longer.

'I'm sorry. The guests were keeping me busy. Grandpa kept a watch over me too.' An apology letter came. I couldn't blame him if he were tightly watched by Gobu.

'Please, let me out.' I sent again.

'Don't. I don't want you to go. Be patient, I'll visit soon.' He sent.

'Liar' I sent with little hope I had left.

'I'm trying.'

'I'm dying'

OnO/

I waited hopelessly for Tenryu's arrival. Gobu seemed to be tailing him wherever he went. Gobu knew his grandson was gullible and he was struggling to keep Tenryuu by his side. I had to do something to catch Tenryuu's attention. I searched around the yard and an idea came to me like how candles were lit. _The guards were over the wall…right?_ I grinned in mischief as I went to my bed and rolled the mattress then, I dressed it up. With ink and brush I drew hair by the top of the mattress. I covered it with outer clothes. Lastly, I looked for a rope to tie my duplicate. I was fortunate there was a rope in the bathroom. Finishing it by tying the rope tight and strong, I chuckled in thrill.

I brought my copy to the willow tree and put it there temporarily. I went to the bathroom and climbed to see what the guards were doing. _Good, they seem awake._ I climbed down and went to the willow tree again. With the end of the rope in hand, I threw the mannequin over the branch and over the wall. I pulled the rope in my hand, making sure the mattress was high enough for those guards to see with obscurity. Then with the rope in my hand I spun around the willow tree and tie it there. I ran to the bathroom and climbed up to see their reaction.

_They are not looking to that side! Damn it. Turn over turn over turn over turn over… _I chanted mentally, hoping they would look towards the willow tree. _Yes! _The guards turned and were very startled by my creativity.

"S-suicide! Suicide! Tenryuu-sama's fiancé suicide!" They shouted as they ran(into the inn I supposed). Quickly, I came down from the height and raced towards the cupboards. I hid there as I waited for the guards to barge in.

As I had expected, the guards barged in quickly. "Quick! Put her down! Inform Gobu-sama about this!" They shouted to each other. They seemed to be running towards the willow tree. I slid open the cupboard as swift but as silent as I could be and ran outside. Unfortunately, I bumped into several guards. Reflexively I thrust my index finger and middle finger into his nostrils and pushed him away. It was disgusting but I couldn't possibly blame from reflex for it. I ran as fast as possible to the exit. As I slid open the door, I was surprised to see a man standing by the door, smiling at me. I didn't recognize that man.

"Instead of going with Tenryuu, why don't ya be my mistress, Miss Matsudaira?" teased the man as he pulled me into his arms. With every discomfort, I swung my fist at him who blocked it perfectly. "Violence doesn't fit ya, ya know."

"That dialect…Chosu?" I questioned in surprise. _So…the guests are men of Chosu…_

"Oh! You know a lot!" That man lifted me up and brought me back into the inn. I struggled, but it was futile.

"Ryouma, hand her over." Gobu came and demanded.

_Ryouma? As in…Sakamoto Ryouma?! _I was pushed towards Gobu who caught me and held my wrists together tightly. "I can't afford to lose such nice bait." He said as he grinned.

"Grandfather!" Tenryuu's voice came and he appeared soon. "I-I heard she suicide! W-what about the war—huh?!" He looked surprised.

"Lock her up and guard the rom tightly." Gobu ordered as he pushed me to Tenryuu who in contrast, held me gently but firmly. Tenryuu obeyed Gobu and brought me back to my room. Before he shut the door, I whispered…

"You have to come to see me tonight with whatever method. Or I shall die." Towards what I had said, Tenryuu didn't say anything but looked at me with a fear. Thus, I was once again locked in the room. It was the last time I would wait. Tenryuu wouldn't be cruel. He hadn't been soiled by his clan. I must keep this hope alive somehow.

That night felt as if it was forever. I told myself I mustn't sleep. _Yamanami-san…please stay alive. _I prayed. _He can't be dead. He can't. A kind hearted man like Yamanami-san…doesn't deserve death. Even if he did violate the rules, there had to be some reasons. _I became restless. I paced back and forth. _Where is Tenryuu? Why is he so late? _The anxiety overwhelmed my heart, making me sweat.

"Tenryuu-sama! You are not allowed here!"

"I get to decide whether I am allowed being here or not!" The door was forcefully opened. I saw Tenryuu who looked desperate. I ran to him and clutched his sleeves. He entered my room; breathless. I had no time, but he had to calm himself down.

"Calm down. Breathe properly."

"D-don't suicide! What you did earlier was….was a declaration wasn't it?!"

"I said, calm down—"

"—that if you weren't allowed to get out of here, you would kill yourself!" Tenryuu pulled me into his arms and embraced me tightly. "Please…even if you refused to be with me, don't kill yourself." He pleaded hopelessly.

"…Tenryuu, I'm sorry. I must go back." I patted his back.

"Don't say you're sorry. I was blind to cancel our engagement at the first place and i was wrong to chase you around." Tenryuu apologized as he released me. "I let grandfather drank sake. He's asleep. Hurry! What should I do to get you out of here?"

"Tenryuu-sama! You mustn't be here! Gobu-sama will punish you!" Several guards came by with swords by their waists.

"Tenryuu, trust me. I will not harm you." I whispered as I pulled my hair stick out and aimed it on his neck. He yelped in surprise. I urged him to stand up. The guards unsheathed their swords and aimed it at me as well as Tenryuu. They surrounded us.

"Release him!" they demanded.

"Tenryuu gets to decide that. Either you kill me or I bite my tongue and let war takes place. Thirdly, release me and be safe." I glared at them menacingly.

"Drop your weapons!" Tenryuu shouted. "Call me stupid if you want. I won't let my beloved die in the hands of my own people." With Tenryuu's desperate call, those men reluctantly dropped their weapons. That moment, I whispered Tenryuu to run. We ran out. There were guards on stand-by but when they saw I had taken Tenryuu a hostage, they didn't budge. Then, we went straight to the exit. Quickly, I wore my clogs.

"Oh! Tenryuu—" Sakamoto Ryouma appeared again. Seeing his irritating face, I stepped on his foot. "Scram!" I shouted as I ran passed him along with Tenryuu. Sakamoto Ryouma groaned in pain. _I had a personal hatred towards people of Chosu. But now is not the time to be taking revenge. Damn it. _I bit my lower lip in irritation.

Tenryuu and I mixed with the crowds. That way the pursuers wouldn't be able to identify us easily.

"Thank you." That point, I released Tenryuu. "Good bye." I greeted as I ran. I glanced back and saw Tenryuu was chasing after me but he gave up half-way. He looked flushed. Cheeks red from the run with sweat from the pressure and sense of danger.

"I'll not forget you!" He howled.

_The pursuers are still looking for me. I must hide. _I felt a rush of adrenaline which pushed me to run. Running with every ounce of my strength and agility, I made a sharp turn into a dark alley. Still, some pursuers were able to identify me and followed me into the alley. I forced myself to run faster, pulling my kimono upwards a bit to provide me more space to run. As I reached the end of the alley, I saw someone blocking my way.

"Move!" I shouted but he didn't seem to hear me. Unable to stop my track, I bumped on him. Oddly, he seemed well prepared that he caught me in his arms in the nick of time. We didn't fall. He smirked at me.

"T-that n-naked man?!" _If I'm not wrong…he's Itou Kashitaro…_ "Why are you here?"

"So rude of you to speak so. It was an accident. And I'm waiting for someone." He grinned. He yanked me into his arms and turned his back against the alley. I struggled but he whispered to me that he knew I was being chased and that he was trying to help. He placed his palm on my mouth to shut me up. I had no choice but to listen to him right now. However, there was an odd feeling which made something lurched in my stomach. _His hands are cold. H-his scent…_ A sudden drowsiness wrapped my whole being, reminding me of a horrible memory. I pushed Itou away and ran to the public bathroom.

"Woman! You better give up! It's only a matter of time before we found you again! Surrender!" The guards seemed to be looking around for me. _Why do I feel so sick at this timing…_ I kept a watch over the situation outside the bamboo wall. Seeing a few men approached my way, I took steps backward. I bumped onto someone for the second time that night. Unknown to me there was someone in the bathroom currently. However I wasn't in the position to be embarrassed. Little did I know that person in the bathroom who were currently taking a pee was someone I was very familiar with.

Our backs touched and we reflexively looked at each other. Our jaws dropped and our eyes widened upon each other's sight.

"What the hell are you doing in Edo?! Why are you here in public bathroom?!"

"Why on earth are you in Edo?! Why can't I be in public bathroom? It's public anyway! Ssh! Shut up, I'm being chased. Finish your business before you talk." I retorted as I went to have a look at the situation outside.

"So, why are you here? Who are chasing you?"

"It's none of your business, Hijikata-san."

"Fine." Hijikata seemed to walk out of the bathroom but I couldn't have him going out now. I yanked him back by his sleeves.

"What the hell is your problem—"

"Hijikata-san. Since you're here, help me."

"Huh?!"

OvO/

"Woman! Surrender!" The guards shouted.

"As if I will!" I replied, bringing a wonderful hostage. With my hair stick, I reached for his neck but he was a bit too far from my reach. Who cared? If i killed Hijikata, they wouldn't be able to take revenge for their fallen comrades. There was nothing more frustrating for them than this, right?

"It's the other way around, you idiot." Hijikata whispered as he spun and pulled my hair. I yelped. He pushed me forward, making me his hostage instead. "If you want this woman back safely, you have to defeat me first!"

"Hijikata-san, it doesn't fit." I whispered. _Again. This big hand which holds me feels…nostalgic. Hijikata-san's hand is contrast to his personality? _I held back a giggle.

"Shut up." He whispered back.

"It sounds weird, as if you're not even taking a hostage."

"I said shut up."

"Who are you?!"

"Me? Shinsengumi Vice-commander, Hijikata Toshizou. Do you have any problem with that?" Hijikata smirked as he pushed me behind him.

"Revenge! Charge!" those guards unsheathed their swords. Crowds went away in fear. The guards charged at Hijikata who dodged their swords effortlessly. Shortly, a famous man of silence came. Saitou Hajime joined in the battle. As he walked passed me, he whispered so, "Straight through the alley to your right." I understood what he meant. He was a spy under my cousin. The letter from my cousin must have been left by him.

"I'll leave them to you Hijikata-san!" According to what Saitou had told me, I ran straight through the alley to my right. At the end a palanquin was ready with a spy(shinobi) on stand-by.

"Under Katamori-sama's order, I'm here to assist you and to return you to Kyoto. My name is Kaori." The spy greeted. Looking closely at her, I remembered the woman I had met in the bath who had exposed two peeping men. _So she has been watching over me. _I entered the palanquin and spoke with the spy through the little window.

"Why did you save me quickly?" I asked.

"Katamori-sama told me to watch and help when it's an emergency." Kaori replied, smiling a little behind that black cloth she wore to cover half of her face. I knew from how her cheeks lifted.

"So, since I fought my way out, you didn't help." I said.

"It was remarkable." Kaori praised.

"They threatened me and my cousin so I threatened them back with Tenryuu. It was give-and-take." I giggled. _I'm finally returning to Kyoto. Mother, I'll be back soon. _I felt accomplished. I felt relieved. I felt happy to be going back home. _Yamanami-san! _I remembered suddenly. Why didn't I ask Hijikata about it?! I turned to the window.

"Kaori-san, is the news true about Yamanami's seppuku?" I asked with little hint of fear.

"It's true." Kaori replied. Her reply brought me greater fear.


End file.
